A shoulder to cry on
by Cookiemonster311
Summary: After Meredith tells Derek off about calling her a whore, someone is there for her to talk to. Just not who you think. What will happen when Derek becomes suspicious? Will Meredith change her views of someone in the hospital? Only one thing is guaranteed; a change is gonna come. Rated T for language. Story is almost completely AU.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A shoulder to cry on

 **Author's note: This is my first Grey's Anatomy fic, but I think you will like it. I know I do! Anyway, go ahead with your reading.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters, scenes, or lines/quotes.

It was a rough day for Meredith Grey. Things were still heated with Derek, George was still weird around her, and all her friends seemed to be judging her, even if it wasn't out loud. But this, this was just the icing on the cake to her bad day. Though she preferred to think of it as the embers of a fire at this point.

Derek was giving her a look that went right through her, almost as if he no longer recognised her. But lately, she didn't even know if she recognised herself anymore. And even though she had done some things she wasn't proud of, it certainly did not give him the right to say what he did.

"So, was the knitting a phase? Who's next? Alex? Because I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common."

Meredith stared at him in awe. Who did he think he was, saying something like that after what he did? Having had enough, Meredith defended herself.

"You don't get to call me a whore! When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with! I was done, so all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me! You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."

Derek looked at the ground as though for a split second he felt bad, maybe even guilty for what he said, but when he looked back up at her, his eyes were stone cold. The usual gentleness of his deep blue eyes was replaced with ice cold bitterness. Without saying another word to her, he turned and went up the stairs, leaving Meredith alone in the stairwell. When she finally turned to go out the door and return to work, none other than Alex Karev was standing there.

 **Author's note: So that was chapter one. I can't tell you how long this story will be, but I'm aiming for around five chapters. Let me know what you think so far. -S**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did some things would have happened by now that Shonda probably will never do.

Welcome to chapter two. Enjoy!

Meredith didn't know what to say. She had no idea if Alex had heard everything that just happened between her and Derek or if he had only just shown up. Either way, it was clear that he had heard or seen something.

He looked back at her with sympathy, but there was also a hint of rage in his hazel eyes. That told her that he had most likely heard everything. Meredith didn't know if she was embarrassed or if she wanted to apologise for what Derek had said about him. She opened her mouth to say something, but Alex cut her off.

"Do you want me to go and kick his ass?" he asked in a completely serious tone.

Meredith raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly at his words. Leave it to Alex to beat up every asshole in the hospital that said something nasty to her or Izzie.

She didn't say anything, just shook her head and made her way down the stairs to stand in front of him. He looked down at her and she saw something in his eyes that she had never seen there before. She couldn't quite tell what it was, but she thought it probably had something to do with what Derek had said.

"Did you… hear all of that?" she asked him quietly. He nodded in response. Meredith nodded too, but it didn't have a clear meaning.

Feeling awkward about the situation, she took a step back and looked down at the ground. She didn't say anything because she didn't know what to say. Alex however, filled the silence.

"You don't need to apologise to me for what he said. He's just a jerk who's mad because you're trying to move on with your life. Guys like him think they are the only ones who can do something like what he did and have you stay miserable."

Meredith looked up at him, surprised by his words. "I wasn't going- "

"Yes you were. And you don't need to. If I were you I would feel worse about what he said about you than me. I know I sleep around a lot, and that's not a good thing. But the difference between you and me is that I'm sober when I do it. You sleep with people you shouldn't sleep with when you've had too much tequila."

Meredith let out a light laugh. He had a point there. She never actually slept with inappropriate men when she was sober. At least not for the first time anyway.

They stood there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. No one came through the stairwell, so they had some privacy to talk if she needed to. But she didn't. At least, she didn't want to. They only left when they both got paged to the ER. Apparently, there was a massive pile up on the highway and there were at least three ambulances on their way to Seattle Grace.

"We should go, or Bailey will hunt us down and try to keep us out of the OR." Meredith said to him.

Alex nodded. "But if I end up in neuro, I will beat the crap out of Shepard. Thought I should give you a heads up about it." He said with a half teasing and half serious tone of voice.

Meredith rolled her eyes and laughed. "Sure Alex."

 **Author's note: So, there's chapter two. I hope you liked it. I will try and update in the next couple of days. Happy fanficing! -S**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

 **A/N: Here is the next chapter. I want to thank everybody who has been reading and reviewing. It really gives me the motivation to keep writing.**

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything

The next day, Meredith was still feeing the impact of what Derek said. She just couldn't get it out of her head. He never actually used the word whore, but he may as well have. Luckily, she ended up in cardio after the pile up, and Alex was in general. Even though he had a teasing tone, Meredith thought he was serious about doing something to Derek.

She had been avoiding him all day, hanging around with Alex whenever she had the chance to. He was acting as a sort of barrier between them. If he saw Shepard coming down the hallway, he would direct Meredith around the corner. If he wasn't with Meredith and saw Derek roaming the hallway, he would follow him to make sure he wasn't going off to find her. And if he found them together, he would tell Meredith that Bailey was looking for her. Which of course was not true.

By the end of their shift, Meredith had managed to avoid Derek all day. By now, all the interns had heard about their little chat in the stairwell and she was getting even more judgmental glances than ever. People were whispering about her, how she should have known better than to sleep with an attending, and how she got what was coming to her. Alex of course told them all to go screw themselves and then they would shut up and leave Meredith alone.

Meredith thanked Alex for everything he had done that day, and then took off for her car, ready to go home and wash off this day. She was almost out the main entrance doors when she caught sight of someone in her peripheral vision. Someone who appeared to be waiting for her. She turned to face them, and saw Derek striding towards her.

"Leave me alone. " she told him, the continued out the door. When she stepped out into the cool Seattle air, she felt someone grab her arm. She whipped around and it took everything she had not to scream at him.

"Let go of me" she demanded.

"I just want to talk." He said in an overly sweet voice considering everything that had happened, everything he'd said the day before.

Meredith shook her head. "No. Now let go of me, and leave me alone." She told him, her voice quivering slightly as well as raising in volume.

Derek let go of her, but did not leave. "Will you please talk to me?" he asked desperately. To this, Meredith shook her head. "I don't think so. Go away, and don't try to talk to me tomorrow, or any other day unless it is case related." She said coldly.

Derek took a step closer to her and opened his mouth to say something, but didn't get the chance.

"I believe she asked you to leave her alone."

Derek turned his head and Meredith copied the action. They were both surprised by the words that came out of Alex's mouth, and Meredith was also grateful for them. Derek however, did not look impressed.

"Karev, this has nothing to do with you." He said, the bitterness returning to his voice.

Approaching them, Alex came to a stop beside Meredith. "That's not the point. The point is that she asked you multiple times to leave her alone and you haven't. Now, do I need to make you leave her alone or are you going to walk away willingly?" Alex asked in a sarcastically polite voice.

Derek cocked an eyebrow. "Is that a threat?" he asked.

"That depends. Are you going to leave her alone?"

Derek looked back and forth between Alex and Meredith, who had currently felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. Not wanting to meet his gaze, she looked at the ground. It was sweet of Alex to do this, but now Derek probably hated them both and was going to make tomorrow hell for them. The last thing she wanted was to drag Alex in to this, but it appears he had brought himself into it whether Meredith wanted him involved or not.

Without saying anything, Derek walked off, clearly angry. Though he didn't say anything else, he shot Alex one last glance that indicated he was incredibly pissed off with the young surgeon.

Waiting for him to be gone, Meredith and Alex turned to face each other. She spoke first. "You didn't have to do that." She told him, but her tone of voice showed how grateful she was that he did. He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a sweet smile. "Do you really think he would have left you alone if I hadn't?"

Not answering his question, Meredith simply hugged him and mumbled a thank you. He hugged her tightly and didn't let go until people around them started to cast them odd glances.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your car." He said. And then he did just that.

 **A/N: Chapter three complete! Thank you to those who have kept reading this story. If you have decided you'd like to continue with it, there should be a new chapter up soon. -S**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, no matter how much I wish I did.

A few days had passed since the confrontation between Meredith and Derek outside the hospital, and she and Alex were practically glued to each other. They ate lunch with the other interns as usual, but even when they weren't around, Meredith and Alex were together. They walked in and out of the hospital together, when one was waiting on labs they were with the other. The entire hospital had begun to take notice, even though it had not even been a week. Gossip sure spread fast around the place. There wasn't a single employee who hadn't heard that there was something going on with the two, whether what they heard was true or not.

Somehow, they both avoided being assigned to neuro in those few days, until this morning when Bailey told Meredith that she was to be on Shepard's service today. Alex immediately asked to switch with her, but he had been specially requested by Addison for ob/gyn. Why, he had no clue, and neither did Dr. Bailey. He was simply told to "shut his mouth and go find she-Shepard."

Doing as he was told, Alex sent one last look in Meredith's direction that told her he would have switched if he could. She mouthed "It's okay" before going to do her own job. She was the last intern to go find their attending, and was almost out the door when she was stopped. Dr. Bailey had extended her arm across to the door frame, preventing Meredith from leaving.

"You know I would have you swapped to another service if I could." She said with no identifiable tone of voice, though her face showed sympathy and regret. She seemed to understand that Meredith was going through a rough time, but she has expressed her feelings about the relationship she'd had with Derek, and had not approved. So even though her face expressed what it did, Meredith could sense absolutely no respect in her voice.

She nodded and Dr. Bailey dropped her arm. Exiting the locker room, Meredith tried to prepare herself for the day she was about to have.

There wasn't much going on in neuro before Meredith had her break for lunch, but afterwards she got to scrub in on a craniotomy. Otherwise, her day was rather uneventful – surgical wise. Derek had been trying to talk to her all day despite her having told him not to. It wasn't until lunch when he saw her with Alex that he finally backed off. Clearly what Alex had said to him just 3 nights ago was still in his mind. For simply the sight of Alex and Meredith together was enough for him to leave her alone. But it wasn't enough to keep him from talking to Alex. For when they went their separate ways at the end of lunch, Derek made a bold move and confronted Alex.

As he walked towards the young surgeon, he was given a look that said, "take one more step and you're dead" but he continued. Stopping in front of him, Derek got an uneasy feeling in his chest. It was ridiculous for him to be afraid of Alex Karev, but the threat he made the last time they spoke sat clearly in the front of his mind. Alex however, did not seem to care for this conversation.

"Can I help you?" he asked in an annoyed tone without looking at the older man. He was not in the mood for Shepard right now.

Without directly answering his question, Derek began talking. "It's about Meredith." He started, awaiting Alex's reaction before he continued. He looked at Derek for the first time since he approached him, and it was not a welcoming expression.

"Let me stop you right there. Meredith has made it clear that she doesn't want to talk to you. And after what you said to her, I don't really want to talk to you either." Then he started to walk away, but Derek just followed him. "Wait, she told you about our fight?" he questioned, sounding a little mad, but more shocked than anything.

"Oh, she didn't have to." Alex told him. He stopped and turned around when he no longer heard any footsteps behind him. Derek was frozen in place a few paces behind him, so he walked back towards him. He was standing there with his jaw dropped slightly, and didn't say anything.

"I can't even begin to tell you how badly I wanted to beat the crap out you after what you said to her. And had she not told you off the way she did, I would have. As far as I'm concerned, you were never good enough for her. You are the one who took advantage of her. You were in a place of power and now she is the one paying for it! So, I suggest that you back off, do as she asked you, and stay the hell away from her and me, because I can not guarantee that I won't kick your ass after hours."

And with that, he walked away, leaving Derek to ponder over what he said.

Meredith spent the afternoon attempting to figure out what had made Derek stop trying to talk to her unprofessionally. She was glad, of course, but slightly suspicious. She wondered what made him stop. But it didn't take her long to assume that it probably had something to do with Alex. They were able to make it through the entire procedure without him trying to make small talk. Everything was about the case or general craniotomies and how the procedure worked and what he should do. Basic things an attending would ask any other intern in surgery with him.

Scrubbing out after the successful procedure, Meredith could barely stifle a yawn, and she was on a 36 hours shift. She wasn't even halfway through it and she was exhausted. She was probably going to find an empty on call room and take a power nap.

As she was drying off her hands, Derek awkwardly cleared his throat and Meredith unsurely turned to face him. He was looking a her with a look that spoke of anger and annoyance. She shot back the same look to show him that she wasn't sad or ashamed. "What?" she asked in the same tone her expression held.

He didn't wait, or try to ease into the conversation. "How does Karev know about what happened between us in the stairwell the other day?" he asked bluntly.

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Why do you care?"

Derek grunted. "Don't do that. He said you didn't tell him, but I can't think of how else he would know." He looked at her accusingly and impatiently. She couldn't believe how stupid he was. She didn't tell him, that was true, but could he not figure out how Alex would know without being told?

She rolled her eyes. "It's called he heard the conversation. Including the part where you accused me of going off and sleeping with him!" she told him. He looked surprised at what she said, but it made sense to him. He probably should have been more considerate of what he said. But then again, Meredith had raised her voice quite significantly when she came back at him.

"So, is he your bodyguard now or something?"

Meredith was confused. Just because she and Alex were together a lot doesn't mean anything. Besides, it wasn't any of Derek's business. "No, he's my friend. But knowing you you'll probably just assume we're sleeping together and start spreading that rumor around."

"Well is there really any reason for anyone not to believe it?!" he yelled, probably loud enough for people in the hall and those cleaning up the OR to hear him. But that didn't matter. She was beyond done with him. Without saying anything to him Meredith turned and reached for the door handle. As she opened the door, Derek spoke again, "No, I didn't mean it like that."

Turning to look at him one last time, Meredith said the only thing she could think of. "You're right. Who wouldn't believe I would sleep with Alex? After all, I was the intern stupid enough to screw an attending." She said with enough venom in her voice to stun him. With that, she walked out of the scrub room and took off down the hallway.

 **A/N: This was longer than my other chapters, but it is by far my favorite. I'll update soon! -S**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who has stuck around for this story. Welcome to the latest chapter!**

Disclaimer: I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't own anything Grey's Anatomy.

It didn't take long for the news of Meredith and Derek's fight to spread around the hospital, moving like wildfire. The only thing that has ever made it to everyone faster is that they were sleeping together even though he was married. Now, Meredith wasn't the only one getting dirty looks. Derek and Alex were getting their fair share. And not only was he getting dirty looks, but Derek was once again having problems with Addison. But then again, he was always having problems with Addison.

It was around midnight, the night of the argument Derek had with Meredith in the scrub room and Addison was demanding answers. Gossip traveled fast, and Addison was one of the first to hear about it. As usual, she was angry that he was having a "couple's quarrel" with Meredith. It seemed that the only reason he could talk to her was for something work related, or Addison thought he was trying to get back with her, or flirting or something. Even arguing with her made Addison paranoid. And apparently, she didn't want to wait to argue about this one.

"Why, Derek? What could you possibly think to gain from this? Because all you've managed to do is piss me off even more, not that I thought that was possible at this point." She yelled. Though they were in the privacy of an empty on-call room, Derek wouldn't be surprised if there was a crowd of nosey people outside the door, listening to what they were saying.

Running a hand through his hair, Derek sat down on the bed. "Addison, I'm not in the mood to do this right now." He said in a low voice.

Addison sighed and placed her hands on her hips. "Then when will you be in the mood Derek? Because it doesn't seem to matter what I want to talk about, you never are. I'm done trying to get through this, especially if you aren't willing to try." She paused waiting to see if he would say anything, but he didn't.

"Whenever you're ready to put in the same amount of effort as I am into this, let me know. Because right now, I'm done Derek."

She reached for the door handle but he stopped her before she could. "I don't know when I'll be ready, Addison. In fact, I don't know if I ever will be" he admitted.

At first, Addison didn't say anything, probably because she didn't know what to say. But when she did speak, the words she used were ones Derek never thought he would hear from her. "I can't do this anymore Derek. Not if you aren't willing to let Grey go. And clearly you aren't. Not yet anyway. And I don't know if I can wait for you to be ready." With that, Addison turned away and left Derek alone in the on-call room.

Meredith was sleeping in an on-call room when she was woken by the door being slammed shut. She sat up quickly, almost hitting her head on the bottom of the top bunk. After being blinded by the lights being turned on, she looked up to see Alex standing there, and he seemed to be seething with rage. He didn't let her question what was going on before he began freaking out.

"When did this happen? And why the hell didn't you tell me? Do you know how many people have heard about this?" he practically yelled. Meredith didn't need to ask what he was talking about. She wouldn't be surprised if the whole hospital had heard about her fight with Derek by now.

"It's not exactly something I was in a rush to tell you, Alex. Why would I want to? This is not something I want to drag you in to." She told him.

Alex snorted. "Well it's too late for that. I've been involved in this since the day I heard your conversation I the stairwell. And if you didn't want me involved why did you start talking to me about this? Why did you confide in me in the first place?"

Standing up, Meredith looked at him, a little rage of her own burning inside her. "What was I supposed to do? You heard everything that Derek said and I saw you. Was I supposed to just pretend it didn't happen and walk right past you? I couldn't do that when he said what he said. That would be like me just saying 'oh well' if Derek announced he was getting a divorce from Addison."

"Funny you say that. Because the two of them just had a really big fight about what happened with you and Shepard today."

Meredith was shocked. She could not believe what she just heard. She had caused another fight between them. And it sounded like this one was more serious than the others. And for the most part, the conversation she had with Derek wasn't even about them. It was about what he had said about her and Alex.

"Meredith. Why didn't you tell me?" Alex asked in a softer voice than he had spoken in before.

She looked at her feet. She felt like a horrible friend for getting him involved. People were starting to talk badly about him and cast him dirty looks. And that was saying something, because this was Alex. He has slept with pretty much every female employee in the hospital, and his reputation was somehow worse now.

"Mer." He said quietly.

Looking back up at him she answered every question he had asked her since he came in. "It happened after the craniotomy. I didn't tell you because I knew you would just get angry. I honestly don't care how many people have heard by now. They'll all believe it because I was stupid enough to screw an attending and you've screwed half the women here – no offence. There is absolutely no reason for people not to believe that we hooked up."

Alex shook his head and stepped closer to her. "Sometimes I can't even begin to understand you. You want to do everything on your own. You don't think you need anybody, but you do. I know you have Yang, but you can't tell me you don't need anyone else. You think worse of yourself than everyone else does. And I'll be damned if I'm going to stand by and watch this happen."

Meredith didn't say anything. Once again, she was speechless. Alex always seemed to manage to do that to her. He had a way with words that changed her perspective on things – including him. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. With nothing to say, Meredith moved in and hugged Alex. For some reason she could not explain, she felt safe there right now. And if she could get that feeling from Alex of all people, she was going to take it.

 **A/N: I thought it would be good to get something from Derek and Addison in there. This probably won't be the last time I write from their perspective of the story. As always, thanks for reading. -S**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I think you've figured out that I don't own anything but this story.

Though she only planned on having a short nap, Meredith and Alex slept straight through until morning. Their pagers never went off so they got a few hours of sleep in, having her internal alarm clock go off at 4:30 that morning. They didn't need to do rounds until 5:00 so there was still a little time before they needed to get going. Meredith got up and stretched, but Alex was still asleep on the top bunk.

While stretching out her back, Meredith accidently hit her arm off the metal bed and woke Alex up.

"Sorry" she apologised, then leaned against the wall as Alex jumped down from the top bunk rather than using the ladder. Meredith laughed as he tripped over his shoes that he left on the floor last night. "That's enough out of you." Alex pointed at her and laughed.

Likely being tired and stressed, Meredith couldn't stop laughing. No matter how much she tried to stop, and Alex tried to make her stop, she had a very hard time doing so. They both stumbled out of the on-call room laughing, but forced themselves to quiet down as not to disturb anyone.

They managed to make it to the locker room without causing too much noise, and their laughter had almost completely died down by the time the got there. When they stepped in, everyone there looked very annoyed by them and some even cast them some dirty looks while muttering things under their breath.

Meredith and Alex exchanged a look and waited for everyone else to get ready for rounds. With so many people there, Meredith caught bits and pieces of different conversations. They all seemed to be about her, and none of them seemed to be positive.

"I heard that she-Shepard…"

"He said he was going to leave her…"

"…Sleeping together. Not surprising…"

Even though Meredith thought that she wasn't going to be affected by the gossip, the things she heard being said about her were getting to her. This was worse than when people found out she was with Derek. People were looking at her like the slutty intern she was. She didn't mean to sleep with her boss, but they did keep it going. And she never even slept with Alex, nor was she planning to. She was pretty sure Alex heard some of these conversations too because he had an angry look on his face.

Wandering over to him, she whispered in his ear "Don't let it set you off" even though it was really getting to her. Glancing around the locker room Alex shrugged. "Too late for that. But I can promise that I won't hurt anybody."

Meredith smiled at his comment. _Typical Alex_.

The day went by so quickly Meredith couldn't believe when her shift was over. She was beyond tired and craved the presence of her bed. She was in the locker room getting ready to leave when she caught another conversation between two of the interns she didn't know.

" _So, do you think its's true?"_ asked the first voice, a woman.

" _Probably. They had a huge fight the other night. About her."_ Came the voice of another woman.

" _I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner. I mean, divorce is a tough thing, but I would have dumped his ass the minute I got here."_ Meredith heard the first woman say. As for the rest of the conversation, she missed that. Her thoughts had completely taken over. _Divorce? Derek and Addison were getting a divorce?_ There was no way. Addison came here to get him back, and now they were breaking up. No, not just breaking up. They were splitting up. And not just a separation, a _divorce._

This was entirely her fault. She never should have yelled at Derek. It's just causing harm to everyone. Her, Derek, Addison, Alex. Everybody. This wasn't fair. Needing to clear her head, Meredith walked out of the hospital and beelined to the bar. Joe saw her walk in and set up her first – and not her last – shot of tequila.

After about thirty minutes, Meredith had gone through four shots of tequila. She could have gotten through more, but she told Joe she didn't want or need any more. Sitting there alone for several minutes, Meredith wasn't shocked when someone sat down next to her. After all, the last guy she was with picked her up in this exact bar. Turning to look at the new guy, her eyes widened when she saw that it was the one and only Derek Shepard.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "What do you want?" she asked. She was no longer sober and didn't need anything happening with him. Not today. Besides, even though she had given up on the tequila shots, Meredith did accept a vodka on the rocks.

Derek looked at her with an expression that practically screamed _"I just got a divorce!"_ He didn't say anything at first, just ordered a drink. Once Joe got it to him, that's when Derek said something.

"I just filed for divorce." He said flatly. Most people would be devastated at something like this, but Derek looked sort of… relieved.

He took a sip of his drink, draining about half the glass in one go. Meredith didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything at all. What was a person supposed to say in this situation? Especially when you used to sleep with the person getting divorced. She could say she's sorry it didn't work out, or she could ask if it was her fault – which it probably was. But she couldn't say anything.

Derek's voice startled her from her thoughts. "Are you drunk yet?" he asked in a tone that said he already knew the answer.

Meredith gestured to the upside down shot glasses Joe never cleared away, and the glass that currently held vodka. Derek laughed at her response and fiddled with his glass. He was clearly thinking, Meredith just couldn't tell what about. Probably the divorce.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out with Addison." She told him quietly. She felt bad, she really did. But there wasn't anything she could do about it, and even if there was, she didn't want to. She was done with Derek, and apparently Addison was too.

Derek finished off his scotch in one more swig, and set his glass back down on the table. There was a silence for a minute or so before her broke it. "I know you probably think this is your fault, and isn't. Addison and I were over a long time ago, we were just trying to make it work because we didn't want it to be over…" he trailed off, but was quick to get back to talking. "At our wedding, we had so many people make speeches where they said we would that couple who is together forever. And then she cheated on me with Mark, and that all disappeared. Then I came here, met you, and she followed me after getting a call from Richard about a case. I honestly thought that we could make it work, but between her paranoia about us, you- "

"Me?" Meredith cut him off. He looked at her as though he regretted saying that, but it was true. She knew that. She was a slutty mistress who slept with a married man, who also happened to be her boss. It was her fault that Derek and Addison were splitting up, it was her fault that Alex had become a part of this, and it was her own fault that she had earned such a bad reputation throughout the hospital.

Derek leaned his elbows against the edge of the bar counter and sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just, I think I was only fooling myself by thinking it could ever work with Addison again. And when I think about it, I have never been happier than when I was with you. So, if you wanted to, after everything goes through, or even now- "

Meredith immediately jumped in. "No, Derek. I can't do this again. Any of it. Not after what it has done to me at work and- "

Now Derek cut her off. "Actually, I was going to say that we should be friends."

Meredith stared at him in complete shock. That was probably one of the last things she would have expected him to say. Friends? He wanted to be friends with her after what he had done and said to her? Earlier this week he had accused her of sleeping with Alex. Alex! How could he have possibly forgotten about that? She loved him, and she always would, but she couldn't be _in_ love with him anymore. She was a surgical intern. She needed to focus on her career right now. Maybe once she was a resident, they could try to be friends. But not right now.

"I'm sorry, Derek. But I think we should keep things professional for now. Maybe once I'm done as an intern we can try that, but I need to focus on my career right now. I'll always love you, but we both need to move on."

She was expecting him to be angry, but he wasn't. He almost looked like this was what he expected her to say. He didn't say another word before he laid a hand full of bills on the counter, stood up and walked out the door.

 **A/N: So, I'm starting to think this story will be longer than I originally thought it would be. Stick around though, because the ending will be good. I promise! -S**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Nope. Nothing.

Having the next day off, Alex took it as an opportunity to talk to Meredith about everything that had happened over the last week. This had all been very rough on her, and she needed someone in her corner. And Alex wanted that to be him. After everything that went down with Izzie, Mer was the only one who tried to be friends with him. George was mad at him because Izzie was mad at him, Yang didn't care about him, and all the other interns weren't interested in talking to him. He felt as though he owed it to her to be there when she needed someone.

Meredith had gone home drunk last night. He only knew this because Izzie texted him freaking out about how he had gotten her wasted the didn't even have the decency to help her home. After explaining he hadn't seen her since the end of their shift, she apologised and said that Meredith had wanted to see him. Figuring she was hungover, he went. Meredith could be scary sometimes when she had a hangover.

When he arrived, Izzie and George went out. He had no idea where they were going, but they probably just didn't want to be in his presence. It appears everyone but Meredith hated him right now. With an exception to Cristina – she hated him all the time.

Meredith was sitting on the couch when he walked in the house, staring off into space. There was a cup of coffee and a jar of advil on the table, but there were no other indicators that she had gotten over, or was trying to get past the hangover that loomed in the distance. Taking a seat beside her, Alex put his arm over the back of the couch. Finally taking notice to him, Meredith looked up at him with a strange look in her eyes.

"Derek filed for divorce. He's leaving Addison." She told him quietly. Alex saw this coming, he just didn't expect it would be so soon. It was clear from the time Derek chose her over Meredith they weren't going to last long.

Dropping his arm around her shoulders, Alex pulled Meredith against him and stroked her arm with his hand. He didn't know what this felt like for her, but he imagined she probably felt guilty considering this happened so soon after her fight with Shepard. She shouldn't though. Whether this had something to do with her or not, it wasn't worth wasting her time worrying about it.

"Hey, listen to me," he started, making sure he had her attention before continuing. "I don't want you to spend your time thinking this is your fault, because it isn't. They've had problems for a long time, they've just finally decided to do something about it. Don't get anymore hangovers because of this, okay?" he told her, earning a small laugh as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Meredith nodded her head to what he said, and Alex assumed it was some sort of agreement to the whole 'no more hangovers' and 'it's not her fault' thing. He really did believe that she wasn't at fault here, he just wanted her to believe it too. Looking down when he heard a sniff, he saw that Meredith had begun crying. He didn't have anything to say, so he simply wrapped his arms around her and let her cry against him. Even if he did know what to say, words probably wouldn't be much help right now. A hug from a friend was the best thing he could give her.

After about fifteen minutes, Meredith sat up and wiped at her face. She turned to look at Alex, who had rested his hand on her shoulder. He looked her in the eyes and said "I want that to be the last time you ever cry over him. Got it?"

Meredith nodded her head and smiled. It appeared that Alex was someone she could count on. Even though Cristina was her person, Alex was somebody she could go to without receiving judgment. After all, what right did he have to judge her? She recalled that even after making the mistake of sleeping with George, he tried to flirt with her, didn't make one comment about how she was stupid for doing that or that she was a whore. He had literally told her that he found her habit of sleeping with inappropriate men was charming. Alex was somebody she could trust in a different way than she could trust Cristina. They've had each other's backs when everyone else hated them. Meredith stuck around to be his friend after being caught cheating on Izzie and helped him to retake his boards. He was there for her when things blew up in her face with Derek, and even though he complained about her, she knew he was grateful to have her around. It was clear in the way he was helping her now, in the way that he looked at her.

"Thank you, Alex. For everything." She said before curling up against him and shutting her eyes. Alex's response was once again putting his arms around her and gently resting his chin on the top of her head. This was the moment when Meredith realized he wasn't as bad as he seemed. It was also the moment when Alex realized he had finally found someone who believed in him, someone who wasn't going to give up on him. Someone he could call a true friend.

 **A/N: I don't really know if I should keep going with this story. This seems like a good place to end it, but I also have more ideas. Let me know of you think I should stop here or keep going.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 **A/N: So, I have decided to keep going because you all seem to really like this story. I hope this isn't a crappy chapter compared to the last one. Thank you for all your support! Here you go everybody!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing Grey's Anatomy

Alex and Meredith were officially the topic of conversation at Seattle Grace Hospital, somehow over Addison and Derek, the biggest surgeries, everything. People were talking about how she was responsible for the divorce and how Alex had threatened Derek on multiple occasions in Meredith's defence. If there was a rumor about Alex Karev and Meredith Grey, everybody had heard it. Including Derek.

Meredith had become less nervous around Derek already. It had been two days since their conversation in the bar and she had managed to distance herself from him. He was no longer bothering her with personal chit chat or trying to confront Alex about her. He had likely learned his lesson after the last time he did that. But that changed when he saw them in the cafeteria together without the rest of their group. Having become the misfits of the hospital's interns, they began to keep to themselves. But that's not what everyone thought.

Derek had thought he would be able to ignore them, but he couldn't. Between the rumors and the fact that they weren't giving anyone a reason not to believe said rumors, he could barely keep a grip on himself. He felt bad about what he said about them, he really did, but the way they were acting the last couple of days made him wonder if he was right.

Allowing his suspicion to get the best of him, Derek approached Alex to talk to him, though he knew better than to bother him after everything that has happened. But he needed answers and was giving Meredith her space, so he didn't have much of a choice. Relying on rumors around here was useless.

Derek was lucky that this time Alex didn't give him the death stare as he approached, which gave him the boost of confidence he needed to do this. Not wanting to make small talk as a way of easing into this, Derek just came right out and began asking his questions.

"Is there something going on with you and Meredith?" he asked as he suddenly felt like he could no longer breathe. He wanted to know the answer, but only if the answer was no. At this point though, he didn't have much faith that things would go his way in this situation. He had heard many different rumors and accusations regarding the relationship between the two interns, but gossip wasn't something he found he could rely on. When Alex just stared at him with a confused expression, Derek elaborated.

"I mean, I've heard so many things being said about the two of you, and you have been spending lots of time together recently that I just needed to ask. Especially after saying what I did to her. So, could you please just tell me? That way I don't have to hear the truth from someone else." He explained. He waited desperately for an answer, and the longer he waited the more he expected the answer to be yes. But Alex finally put him out of his misery by responding.

"Why don't you ask Meredith? Because last I checked we weren't friends."

Derek opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He needed to know the truth, but was hesitant to talk to Meredith. They hadn't spoken personally since that night at the bar when he told her he was getting a divorce. Finding his voice again, Derek spoke.

"Because she doesn't want to talk to me, and I need to know." This just made Alex laugh and turn to him. Despite his cold stare, there was warmth hidden behind his eyes. Most likely that warmth was for Meredith and not him, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the look on his face at Derek's words.

"Look Shepard, I know that she doesn't want to talk to you, and if I'm honest, I really don't want to either. But I will if it means you'll leave her alone and stop coming to me looking for information on how she's doing. So, no. There isn't anything going on with Mer and I. But even if there was, it still wouldn't be any of your business. Now, is there anything else you would like to know before I walk away from you?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

Derek thought over everything, trying to find something he felt he needed to know before letting Meredith go. Coming up with something, he almost heard his heart breaking inside of him. "Is she okay?" It sounded like a stupid question, but it was something he couldn't walk away without knowing. After everything that has happened, he couldn't let her go without knowing for sure that he wasn't leaving her broken. Alex appeared to take a sort of pity on him with this question. He knew that he hurt Meredith, but he felt that he was leaving her in good hands.

"She will be." Alex said simply. He waited to see if Derek would say anything else before he walked away. And he only had one thing he wanted to get out in the open before he began to forever treat her as just any other intern.

"Tell her I'm sorry… tell her I'm sorry for hurting her." He told Alex, who nodded and began to walk away. He didn't have anything to say to Derek, so he was surprised when he felt a twinge of pity inside him for the man. Meredith was amazing, and this guy had seriously messed up. And Alex thought that would be something he'd regret for the rest of his life. His thoughts were cut off by Derek's voice, which no longer sounded as cool and collected as usual.

"One more thing, only this is for you and not her," he began. Alex was slightly confused, but went with it. This must have been important if he was willing to stop Alex when he was in such a state. Alex nodded his head as way of telling him to continue. He did. "For the record, if there is anyone who she can go to in a time like this... someone who can help her get through this… to move on… I'm glad it's you." He said with sincerity in his voice and across his face.

Alex looked at the man in front of him. The man who looked so different from the first day he saw him. The man who almost looked broken himself now. He could hardly believe that Derek Shepard was standing there, and had just said that to him. For the first time in a while, he felt respect for this man. And with five words, he knew that Derek trusted him to be there for Meredith.

"Take care of her, Karev." With those words, he left Alex standing there with his thoughts.

 **A/N: So we get more from Derek in this chapter. I originally had a different plan, but I think this worked out better. Come back soon for more. I love you guys. Xx -S**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 **A/N: Welcome back! I have a quick message for the guest reviewer Patsy. I understand that you want a MerDer ending, but I have yet to decide how I am ending this story. Finn and Rose are not going to come into the picture for this, but I haven't quite figured out what will happen. I am keeping everyone's opinions in mind, so I will try to do what I can for you. I hope you'll be happy with the ending I provide though!**

Alex told Meredith about the conversation he had with Derek, and they were both in complete shock. Alex was sure that he was going to be yelled at, especially after the first sentence that had come out of his mouth. He sounded so angry, like he was prepared to start throwing punches, but then those softer words emerged from his lips. It was as though he only wanted Alex to _think_ he was mad.

After Alex explained what happened to Meredith, she had so many questions. Questions that may never be answered because it would mean having to speak to Derek. Why did he care if there was anything going on with Alex? He's the one who accused her of such a thing in the first place. What made it his business? What did he mean when he told Alex to take care of her? As though he had read her mind, Alex spoke.

"I seriously have no clue what he meant by saying to take care of you. At first, he seemed ready to rip my head off, and then he said that he was glad to be leaving you with me. It was weird."

They sat there for a few moments without saying anything. They were both so confused by Derek's words that they didn't know what to do. So much had occurred in the last week that his words were by far the least expected. "Thanks for not beating the crap out of him."

Alex chuckled, thinking back to what he had said after the argument he heard in the stairwell. "Believe me, I would have if it wasn't for you." He told her, earning a small laugh from her.

The two were sitting in Meredith's living room during this discussion, sipping on cups of coffee. It was comfortable, the way they were with each other. It always was. At least until Izzie walked in, George tailing her. She glanced over at their laughter and rolled her eyes. George whispered something in her ear but Izzie didn't move. "So, it looks like the rumors are true. Something is going on here, right?"

Alex sat up straight and Meredith stood up. "Izzie nothing is going with Alex and I. We're friends, and this is my house. I'm allowed to have my friends over if I want to. It would be no different than having Cristina over."

Izzie laughed at her words, though it was bitter and humorless. "It is so totally different. It would be like me inviting McDreamy here." She said, crossing her arms. Her piercing gaze was shooting daggers at Meredith. George didn't give anyone the chance to say anything because he grabbed Izzie's arm and guided her towards the stairs.

Meredith sat back down and Alex squeezed her hand. "She'll get over it. She's Izzie." He reassured her. He had a point. Izzie couldn't stay pissed at anybody for long. In fact, this was the longest they had known her to be mad at anyone. But you could tell she was beginning to get over it because she no longer screamed at Meredith whenever she mentioned Alex's name.

She sighed. "I know. I just wish she believed me when I said there was nothing going on between us. Sometimes I think everything would be better if there was something going on, because then I wouldn't need to worry about people spreading rumors. Rumors that aren't true, rumors that damage reputations. Then again, I had a pretty awful reputation to begin with. And you just… well you- "

Alex cut her off. "Woah, Grey. Calm down." She laughed nervously after realising what she had said. She had gone off on a rant and started saying things she definitely shouldn't be saying. Clearly Alex had noticed that she regretted her word choice, because he looked at her with a teasing smirk. "Maybe you're right. If there was something going on nobody would be able to spread any lies."

Meredith smirked when she realized that he didn't take what she said seriously. At least she didn't think so. His tone of voice said he was joking, but the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. She tried her best to read further into Alex's body language, but got nothing. When he winked at her, she concluded that he was in fact just teasing her. She laughed, and so did he. "Plus, we would be great. Evil Spawn and the Dirty Mistress."

It was almost one o'clock in the morning and Meredith was lying in bed, tossing and turning. She couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Alex. His voice had such a teasing edge to it, but his eyes had this look in them that she didn't recognize. All she knew was that this look was anything but teasing. Having spent all night trying to figure out what had happened, Meredith was exhausted the next morning. Anyone else would say she was overthinking things; and maybe she was. But maybe she wasn't. Even though she didn't know what the look in his eyes meant, she knew it meant something. Something that had never occurred between her and Alex before. But she pushed it aside, because it wasn't important.

Alex was so confused. There was something different going on with Meredith, but he didn't know what it was. They hadn't been friends for that long, but this was nothing to do with their friendship. It was something else… something new. He didn't know what to do about it. There was no one at the hospital he could talk to about this, but he couldn't keep it to himself; and talking to Meredith about it was not an option. He needed to identify what this was before talking to her. He only hoped that he would find out soon. But it wasn't important, so he tried not to think of it. In fact, he tried to think of it as little as possible.

Nothing had changed in the friendship that existed between Meredith and Alex. What did change was their thoughts. They no longer knew when the other was teasing or being serious about something, they had a hard time deciphering each other's facial expressions. Their friendship isn't what changed; they had changed., even though they didn't know what it was or what it meant. All the rumors that were currently circulating through the hospital was not helping their confusion. In fact, it probably made it worse, had maybe even been the cause. The only thing either of them knew for sure anymore was that things were going to change between them.

 **A/N: So, I'm trying to wind this story down, but new ideas keep coming to me. Let me know if you think I should keep going with all these ideas or try to start finishing it off and keep it short and sweet. -S**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **A/N: I've been thinking about all the reviews you've given me, about your opinions. I am trying to make this story fit with what it seems most of you want, but I'm also keeping my ideas in there too. Not all of you will be happy with what I have done this chapter, but I think some of you will. No way to please everyone, but enjoy anyway. Love you guys!**

Meredith and Alex were still unsure of what was happening. Everyone had noticed the changes occurring between them. From the fact that they were no longer denying any rumors going around to how they no longer seemed as comfortable around each other. No one knew what it meant; not even them. But even Alex and Meredith had realised that things were different. Neither had said or done anything about it until Cristina brought it up.

"So, are you two in a fight or something? Because I am the grumpiest bitch in this place and the two of you have managed to bring the mood down even more than me."

They looked at each other, trying to have a quick conversation through the act of doing so to figure out what to say. Panicking, Alex spoke before Meredith had the chance. "There's nothing wrong. Besides, no one could ever bring the mood down more than you Yang."

Cristina rolled her eyes and continued poking at her salad, clearly no more interested in it than they were talking about whatever was going on. She had just gotten removed from a big cardio case so she was in a bad mod. They knew they needed to talk about whatever this was, but they were both afraid of what it would do to their friendship. So they avoided it for the next week, until there was no longer an option to do so.

Meredith and Alex were both assigned to a major neuro case, and were waiting for the results of the MRI to appear on the screen when Derek decided to talk; and not about the case. "You know, for interns who are always together, you sure don't talk much when you are around other people."

They looked at each other, and just as Alex was about to tell him to mind his own damn business, the results showed up. Derek leaned forward to get a closer look. "Subdural bleed, and a large one. We need to get in there before it gets any worse." He said, examining the scan.

"Dr. Grey, get Mr. Johansson to pre-op and let OR 1 know we're coming."

Without saying anything, Meredith left the small room to complete her orders. Just as Alex was about to follow her out, Derek stopped him. "A word, Dr. Karev…"

Alex sighed, but stayed. "Yes Dr. Shepard?" He wasn't really interested in anything Derek would throw at him today. He was already in a bit of a mood this morning, and Shepard would probably just make it worse.

"I want you to know that I'm grateful you've been here for Meredith. She hasn't exactly had it easy, which is mostly my fault, and you have been an amazing friend to her."

Alex nodded awkwardly, unsure why Derek felt the need to not only say this, but say it now. As though Derek had read his mind, he answered those questions. "I just mean that after everything I've done to her, I'm glad you're here for her. It appears you have a soft spot for Meredith, despite the anger you have towards almost everyone else. And I want you to know…" he trailed off and Alex was trying to guess what he was going to say, but he figured anything he came up with was wrong. When Derek continued, Alex had a hard time keeping his jaw from dropping. "You two are good together. And whether you see it or not, there is something between you guys. As much as I hate to admit it, I think that's why I said what I did, that day in the stairwell. You two stuck together when everyone else was against you. I think that when she moves on – if she hasn't already – I would feel comfortable knowing it was with you. You haven't had the best reputation around here, but something good in you comes out whenever she's around. I like that about you"

The look on Alex's face told Derek that he had said something he probably shouldn't have said. Rushing to fix it, he added "Just so you know that I wouldn't be mad if anything was going on with you and Meredith. Even though you said you were just friends." With that, Derek fled from the room.

Yup. He was definitely wrong.

During surgery, things were awkward for Derek and Alex. Meredith however, was totally oblivious to the fact that the guys kept exchanging odd glances – at least Alex hoped she was. Being interns, they didn't do much of anything in a neurological surgery unless you were Shepard's favourite or there was a different neuro surgeon. It wasn't like in cardio or general when the could close or hold clamps or even be able to perform a minor part of the procedure. It was too risky. They mainly just observed, which also meant they had nothing to distract them.

By the end of the surgery, Mr. Johansson had pulled through and would have a successful recovery. As Meredith and Alex were scrubbing out, he had a difficult time meeting her gaze. He couldn't stop thinking about what Derek said earlier. There wasn't anything going on with Meredith, but even Derek saw something. Then again, there was something different between them that they didn't recognize, which made things tense, and that was probably what he saw. But that didn't mean it was what he thought it was. Because it wasn't.

"ALEX!"

He whipped his head to look at her. Obviously, Meredith had been talking to him while he was lost in thought. "What?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed that she had to repeat herself – and not necessarily for the first time. "I asked why you and Derek were so weird during the surgery. You both kept giving each other weird looks and wouldn't say a word to each other."

Alex nodded, not at all surprised that she had caught on to that. It was odd for Derek not to ask questions to test them. He thought he was being pretty discreet, but Shepard certainly wasn't. He couldn't help himself from glancing at the older man – who was still in the OR - wondering what he possibly could have been thinking when he said what he did earlier. Him and Meredith? The more people asked or talked about them the more annoyed he became. There was nothing going on, and he didn't know why people thought there was. Just because they were together a lot didn't mean anything. They were friends; JUST friends. And people needed to accept that.

But still, he couldn't help but wonder.

"Nothing. Just had a lot on my mind." He hoped he sounded convincing, but the look on Meredith's face told him she knew he was lying. "Something to do with Derek? Because otherwise I can't come up with a reason as to why you kept looking at him. And may I also point out that he happened to be looking at you too. Was there a lot on his mind?"

Alex didn't know what to say at this point. Meredith had caught him in a lie and he was not about to tell her what was really going on. Because then she'd want to know what Derek said and that simply was not a good idea. She would freak out more than him.

"Well?"

Opening his mouth to speak, though he didn't know what he would say, Alex was cut off by Derek coming in to the scrub room. Neither of them knew what he had been doing for so long after the surgery, but Alex was thankful he came out when he did. Giving them an odd look, Derek began to scrub out of the surgery.

His presence did not make Meredith want to drop this though. She brought her attention back to Alex and gave him a stern expression. "I'm sorry Mer. I don't have an answer." Technically he had told her the truth, because he really didn't know what to say. That just wasn't the whole truth.

Looking incredibly annoyed and having scrubbed out already, Meredith left the room. Alex groaned and ran his hands through his hair – he had scrubbed out too. Derek glanced over at him and Alex looked away. "I'm sorry, Karev. I shouldn't have said that earlier. I'm assuming that was probably something to do with me. I should have kept my mouth shut, I just- "

"Stop. I don't need to hear it. I need to fix what just happened and I doubt I will be able to do that without telling her the truth."

Not giving him a chance to answer, Alex left the scrub room with a head full of thoughts. He needed to tell Meredith something, give her some sort of explanation. The problem was she could almost always tell when he was lying, and there was no way he could tell her the truth. If she knew what Derek said it would make things even worse; hell, it already had. Regardless of what he would tell her, Alex knew he had to tell her something. He just didn't know what.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading. You guys seem to like the story so far. Reviews are appreciated so I can try and add in some of what you are looking for. I'll add a new chapter soon. Xx -S**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

 **A/N: Welcome back! Here is the next chapter. Sorry if this doesn't exactly live up to the others.**

 **Just a message for the reviewer** _ **"Anonymous."**_ **I'm sorry that you don't really like the story or agree with what I have chosen to do, but you are right, I should have put that it is AU. I simply forgot to. As you know, this is a place for people to 'unleash their imagination' so I am writing this to be a Merlex friendship story right now, but they aren't necessarily going to get together in the end. I am also waiting for season 14 so I have watched the whole series, which is what makes this story AU because I just used one scene from the show to get started. Everything from the past at this point has occurred, but not all of it will be included/mentioned. I just chose to start where I did with readers knowing what had happened up until that point, and be able to figure out what will and will not be brought in. Thank you for your input and opinion, but I don't know what else to say besides that if you don't like the story, just don't read it.**

Alex had a hard time finding Meredith after what happened in the scrub room. He had checked everywhere he knew she might go when she was sad or angry and had no luck. Their shift wasn't over yet so she couldn't have gone home, and she wasn't in the patient's room. He didn't know where else to look. He came across Cristina and she gave him the glare she reserved only for him. This did nothing to tell him if she knew anything because she always looked at him with this same facial expression.

Stopping at a nurse's station, Alex tried to think of any place he hadn't looked that Meredith might be. He had managed to come up with absolutely nothing when his pager beeped. He glanced down at it and had received a 911 to the ER. He only hoped that Meredith had been sent the same page.

When he arrived in the pit there was at least a dozen people that appeared to have come from a fire. There were people with burns and gashes and people in need of oxygen masks. He looked around to see if he could find Meredith among the chaos, but had no such luck. He did spot Bailey, so he headed over to see where she wanted him.

"Alex, trauma room two. Major abdominal injuries." She said while pointing toward the door then taking off to tend to another patient's injury.

Alex walked in to the trauma room to find Izzie standing over the patient. There was a huge gash in his abdomen and a burn going up his right arm. He stepped closer and quickly read over the chart. The chief was there, clearly having claimed the man on the table.

"Stevens, go get me an OR. This man's organs need to stay in his body and they aren't going to stay there much longer if we don't fix his abdomen." He ordered. Izzie nodded her head and then looked at Alex for the first time since he walked in. She rolled her eyes and shoved past him. Dr. Webber turned and greeted Alex by barking orders at him. "Great. Karev get over here and hold this side of him shut. The last thing I need is his organs spilling out on to the floor on our way up."

Alex did as he was told and sped alongside the gurney to the elevator so they could get to the OR floor. The chief yelled at people to get out of they way, one of those people being Meredith. Alex gave her an apologetic look as they sped by but she did nothing more than walk away in the opposite direction. He chastised himself internally for what happened between them earlier. She was withdrawing herself from him and it was his fault for not telling her what was going on.

But he couldn't think about that right now. Besides, Webber was freaking out about the patient's abdomen and Alex needed to focus. That might be difficult though considering Izzie was on the same case.

When they arrived at the OR Webber rushed to scrub in, and Izzie had been waiting for them. She was told to scrub in also. Alex was not told anything so he asked what he should do. "Go back down to the ER. We've got things covered here, and there are probably a lot of people with minor injuries who need to be stitched up."

"But I- "

"He told you to go Alex. Go. There are plenty of other people who need help down there."

Both Izzie and Dr. Webber left Alex standing in the scrub room feeling rather frustrated, but not completely. Now he would have the chance to talk to Meredith. Hopefully.

Meredith was in the ER stitching up a young boy's forehead. He had a broken wrist and mild burns on his legs as well. Nothing too serious though. He had been on one of the lower floors of the building that collapsed, so he just had to run down to the main doors. His mother on the other hand had some significant burns. She was trying to help an older couple escape the building. The boy insisted upon helping which is how he broke his wrist. He was lucky that his burns weren't worse.

Just as she was finishing up the stitches, the boy – Malcom – spoke for the first time since telling her his name. "You're really pretty." Meredith laughed and Malcom shrugged. "Well you are."

Backing up slightly to examine the job she'd done and letting out a satisfied sigh, Meredith looked Malcom in they eye and smiled. "Unfortunately, I think I'm a little to old for you."

"Hey, I'm almost eleven. Besides, you aren't that old. Someone as pretty as you can't be."

Giving him one last smirk, Meredith patted his shoulder. "You're very sweet Malcom." He shrugged again and laughed. "You can't blame a guy for trying."

She stood up and waved over a nurse to stay with Malcom until his mom was taken care of. "This nurse is going to stay with you for a little but, okay?" He nodded and gave Meredith a quick hug. In return, she bent down and kissed his cheek. He let out a beaming smile and walked away with the nurse. As he did so, he turned back and waved at her. She smiled at the innocence and bravery of this young boy.

As she was clearing away everything she used and made up the bed for the next patient, she heard someone come up behind her. She turned her head and saw Alex standing there. He had a soft smile on his face. "That was cute. You're good with kids."

Meredith wasn't sure if she was annoyed by him or not. He smirked in the direction Malcom walked off in, then back at Meredith. She hadn't said a word to him and did nothing to tell him she would. "Look, about earlier, I- "

"Are you going to tell me what I want to hear, or are you just going to lie to me?" she asked with her arms crossed over her chest. Alex glanced at his feet then back up at Meredith. "I know I should tell you, but I can't. And I tell you everything so you should know that this is serious."

Meredith looked at her feet, her hands, the wall, and anywhere else as long as she wasn't making eye contact with Alex. She thought about what he said, and knew he was right. That doesn't change her mind about wanting to know what was going on though.

Finally looking at him, Meredith dropped her arms to her sides. "Is there anything you can tell me about this? Or do I not want to know anything?"

Alex glanced around the room and his eyes landed on Derek. They clearly lingered there a little too long because Meredith followed his gaze and she rolled her eyes. She looked back at Alex and sighed. "I'm assuming you think I don't want to know. But I also think you know that- "

"You want to know anyway." He finished for her and she nodded. Alex had to decide quickly if would tell her or not. Either way he was risking ruining their friendship. If he told her then it could jeopardise what they already have because of confusion. If he didn't tell her, she could walk away just like everyone else did. It came down to a matter of how he would rather lose her. The problem was, he didn't want to lose her at all.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading everyone. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know I did Sorry for the mild cliff hanger, come back to find out what happens.**

 *****I just want everyone to know that I haven't decided how this is going to end yet. Meredith might go back to Derek, but I am just not sure. PLEASE let me know what you guys think so I can write the ending to how most of my readers want. Thanks guys, love you all!*****


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 **A/N: Thanks for coming back. Shout out to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited this story. I love you all and you make me want to keep writing. So, here's the next chapter!**

 **Shout out to Patsy for sticking around even though you want MerDer, Lizett for sharing your opinion and making me feel good about my writing, and my three anonymous guests who have not only shared their opinions, but have inspired a part of this chapter.**

Meredith stared at Alex, waiting for him to tell her what was going on. He was trying to think through everything as fast as he possibly could, but Meredith was getting impatient. He needed to tell her, but he didn't want to. Who would want to ruin the best – hell, the only – friendship they had so the other could know something that would damage things. Just as she was about to walk away – she always got this look in her eyes when she was ready to walk away – Bailey yelled over to them.

"Karev, your neuro patient is going back into surgery. Shepard asked me to send you up." She didn't say anything else before walking into a trauma room. Alex turned back to look at Meredith and she seemed slightly mad that she hadn't also been asked to come up.

"Let me know what happens." She said and he nodded. He left her where she was and began walking towards the exit into the main part of the hospital. He stopped at her door and turned back to Meredith. "Hey Mer," he said loudly to get her attention.

She turned to face him and swiped some hair out of her face. She looked at him expectantly. He leaned against the door frame and said "We'll talk later. I promise." She looked slightly shocked, like she hadn't thought he would agree to tell her what was going on. Meredith nodded and Alex gave her a smile, then he turned around and headed to the OR.

Meredith had waited in the locker room for Alex when their shift was over. He was still in Mr. Johansson's surgery when she walked up to the gallery to see what was going on. She had been waiting for fifteen minutes when Alex walked into the locker room. She stood up instantly, waiting for him to start speaking. As they were the only two left there, neither felt shy talking.

"His brain started swelling so Shepard needed to relieve the pressure. The bleeding had stopped but he doesn't know what caused the brain to swell. He was stable after the first surgery so Shepard doesn't know what happened."

Meredith was surprised that happened. They had never had this specific situation occur so she couldn't come up with an explanation. "Will he be okay?" she asked.

The silence that lingered after her question gave her an answer that she didn't want. She looked at the floor and shook her head. "Dammit…"

Alex had been changing while she was speaking so when she looked back up he had on a pair of jeans and was flipping his shirt from before his shift right side out again. He tossed it onto the bench behind him and pulled off his scrub top. "There's nothing we could have done. We would never have known that would happen."

Meredith shook her head again. "I know, but he was doing so well, and then suddenly he just…" she trailed off. Alex shut his locker and wandered over to her. Her bag was on the floor next to her and Alex picked it up for her then swung it over his shoulder. "There's nothing you could have done to change what happened, Meredith. Just because he was your patient first doesn't mean there was anything you could have done differently that would tell us this was going to happen."

She shrugged. "I know. Forget it." Alex put his arm around her shoulder and they walked towards the door. Just as he reached to open the door, Meredith ducked out from his arm and moved in front of him. He gave her a confused look.

"You said we were going to talk and we haven't yet." She told him in a stern voice. He backed up a bit and stared at her. He was hoping she hadn't remembered, but apparently she had. She was staring back at him and he knew that he was going to have to tell her what was going on.

He put both of their bags on the floor and gestured to the bench for Meredith to sit down. She did, but he couldn't tell if she was annoyed or not. He felt too fidgety, so he just leaned against the lockers in front of her. She looked up at him, waiting for an explanation, but he didn't say anything. He would rather have her ask a question so he didn't reveal any information that she didn't need to know.

It appeared that she was also waiting for him to speak first. Rather than say something that she might not have thought to ask about, he just said "What do you want to know?"

A thoughtful look came across her face and she crossed her arms over her chest. Just before she spoke, she perked up a little. "In the scrub room when you seemed so distracted, it obviously had something to do with Derek." She stated more than asked. "What was going on?"

Alex took in a deep breath. He needed to be careful with what he said, because he could get around her questions without giving too much away. "He said something to me that he knew he shouldn't have said and it made things awkward." He said simply. Meredith didn't seem to be surprised by his answer, which means she probably knew what his strategy was. She didn't say anything about it though.

"Okay… when did he say this something?"

"Before Mr. Johansson's craniotomy." He said without any hesitation. It was the truth and there wasn't really any way to lie about this one. Meredith slouched down and Alex knew what her next question would be. He just needed to figure out what he would say.

Meredith stood up and spoke again. "What did he say to you that made things awkward?"

Alex stayed silent, trying to come up with an answer as quickly as he could. Meredith could sense his hesitation, and she took a step closer in an attempt to intimidate him. It didn't work very well though, considering how much smaller than him she was. The only time he would ever be afraid of her was if she was drunk and angry at him specifically. When he still didn't answer her, she began to grow impatient.

"What did he say?" she asked again.

Alex opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Meredith huffed in frustration and backed away. "Fine. If you won't tell me maybe Derek will." She threatened and then walked away. Alex jumped over the bench to stop her. She was just outside the room when Alex came up behind her, picked her up by her waist and pulled her back inside. He smiled at the nurses in the hall that cast them odd glances and shut the door.

He stood between Meredith and the door after setting her back down on her feet again. She was hiding a smirk, knowing she had just gotten her way by being a little brat, but Alex found it kind of cute. He crossed his arms over his chest and she looked up at him, knowing she had won this.

"Well?"

Alex took in a deep breath and held it for a moment before speaking. "I know that you want to know what he said to me, but it really isn't a good idea." He told her, only receiving another annoyed look from her. "You have to tell me Alex. If you don't I have the right to go ask Derek. You can't stop me from doing that. So, either you tell me, or he does."

He was trying to decipher her expression, determine if she was bluffing or not. But he was assuming that she would indeed go ask Derek if he didn't tell her. He looked at his feet and sighed. "I'm going to tell you, but not word for word. I'll tell you the general idea of what he said. That's it. If you want word for word after this you'll have to ask him." Meredith nodded but she didn't say anything.

Running a hand through his hair, Alex paced for a moment trying to come up with a place to start. He decided to just go from their discussion in the MRI result viewing room. "When Shepard sent you to prep Mr. Johansson for surgery, he held me back to talk to me. It had nothing to do with the case though, it was personal. And by personal, I mean you and me personal…"

Meredith had stiffened at his words, but her attention didn't falter. Alex took another breath and continued. "He said some stuff about us and what he thought about the idea of you and me. And asked about you moving on and stuff…"

Meredith's eyes widened and Alex regretted telling her. She deserved to know, but that doesn't mean it was easy to tell her. She opened her mouth to sat something, but shut it again. He stepped closer to her and she took a step back.

She didn't look at him and he felt his insides burning. "Mer…"

She shook her head and turned away from him. She buried her face in her hands and then sighed. Alex heard a sniff but when she turned around there as no evidence that she was going to cry or anything. "Mer, I – "

"Stop." was the only thing she said before picking up her bag and practically running out of the room.

"Meredith please!" he yelled after her, but she didn't listen. He followed her out, but she was already gone.

 **A/N: Drama, drama, drama. Can you guess what will happen next? Oh yea, more drama. Come back for more. Xx -S**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 **A/N: Thank you for coming back to this drama filled story. Still haven't quite decided what the ending will be like but I think you'll enjoy this chapter. Love you guys!**

Meredith avoided Alex and Derek for the next two weeks. She was more confused than she had ever been before. Derek and Alex had made things incredibly complicated for her in more ways than one, and there wasn't really anyone she could talk to about this. Normally she would go to Cristina, but she hasn't been in the best of moods lately. The option of going to Izzie wasn't a very good idea considering she was still pissed at Meredith for hanging out with Alex. She could always try and talk to George because he seemed to be warming back up to Meredith. But then again, talking to him about this might make him distance himself from her again. It turns out she really did have no one else to talk to.

She no longer socialized with any of the other interns, and began to isolate herself. Alex was constantly trying to get Meredith alone to talk, but she didn't want to. She was too worried about what he would say to her. She hadn't spoken to him since that night in the locker room, despite the many times he had tried talking to her. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't even know what she thought about this.

Meredith was filling out some paperwork after her cardio patient died on the table. When Alex approached her. He didn't get to say anything before Meredith was gathering up her charts and walking away.

"Come on, Meredith!" he exclaimed as she sped away from him. She was almost all the way down the hallway when she stopped dead in her tracks. Derek had just turned the corner and was now facing her. She was in a hallway that only broke off at the ends. Derek was in front of her and Alex was behind her. There was no way she could go anywhere without passing one of them. She didn't know any of the patients so she couldn't hide there, and there weren't any on-call rooms in this hallway. She was trapped between them.

Derek was looking at her with sympathy and regret. He had also stopped where he was and didn't look like he was about to move. Meredith turned back to look at Alex. He was difficult to read right now, but Meredith thought she sensed a sort of desperation. Whether it was desperation to talk or for her to choose to walk back in his direction, Meredith did not know.

When she looked back at Derek, he had that look on his face that he got whenever he wanted to comfort her but knew he couldn't. He nodded his head towards Alex and smiled. Meredith remained rooted to her spot on the floor, unable to move. Derek was staring back at her, and she didn't notice when Alex was suddenly behind her.

She jumped slightly when he spoke quietly into her ear. "Looks like it's time for us to talk."

She whipped around to face him and he smirked at her. She sucked in a breath and stumbled back. Neither of them said anything, and she turned around to look at Derek. She would honestly prefer passing him right now. But when she turned her head, he was already gone. She didn't have much of a choice but to talk to him now.

"I don't want to talk right now, Alex." she told him. but he wasn't taking that.

"Too bad, we're going to talk about this, and we're talking about it now. Because you have been avoiding me for weeks and I need to talk to you."

Meredith shook her head and clung to the charts she was holding. She avoided eye contact with him, as she often had been lately. She still didn't know what to say to him, but it appeared that he had a lot to say to her. She knew they needed to talk, but that doesn't mean she wants to.

Meredith shuffled her charts and ran a hand through he hair. She sighed and looked him in the eyes for the first time since that night. "Not right now Alex. We'll talk, but not right now."

Alex took a step towards her and fought raising his voice. "When will we talk then? Huh? Because I have been trying to talk and you won't let me. And I need to."

Alex waited expectantly for an answer from her, but Meredith stayed quiet. He laughed, but it did not contain any humour whatsoever. "That's what I thought… if you aren't going to tell me when we can talk, we are going to talk right now. It's up to you. Either you tell me when and where we will talk, or we talk now."

Meredith shifted her weight from foot to foot. She looked at the ground and then back up at him. She bit her lip, and Alex knew he had her. He hid a smirk when she sighed and looked at his chest rather than his face. "We'll talk tonight. At Joe's. Seven thirty."

Meredith walked away and Alex was sort of surprised at how excited he was. Sure, he had been dying to talk to her, but it was about something serious and confusing. But he was still happy she agreed, because that brought them one step closer to figuring out what the hell was going on with them. And more importantly, what they were going to do about it.

 **A/N: Sorry that this was a shorter chapter. I love every single one of you, and as always, thanks for reading! Xx -S**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 **A/N: Time for a huge reveal people. You better prepare yourselves, because not only is this chapter important, it will change everything – but not in the way you think it will.**

Alex anxiously waited for the moment when he could talk to Meredith about everything that had been going on. The only problem he had was that he didn't know what he was going to say to her. He had been thinking about it all day, and had come up with many different scenarios, but none of them seemed right.

He had arrived at the bar before Meredith and was nervous when he had sat there waiting for almost ten minutes. He was sitting at a more secluded corner of the bar so that they wouldn't be out in the open when they started talking. Thinking alcohol would not mix well with this situation, Alex sat there chewing on the bar nuts that rested on every table.

Every time the bell on the door rang Alex whipped his head to see who it was. After about the dozenth time of doing so, it was finally who he was looking for. Meredith walked in to the bar and looked around. When Alex made eye contact with her, she stiffened as though she was suddenly regretting her decision to talk about this.

She slowly made her way over to him and when she stopped at the table, she looked down at him nervously. He gestured to the seat across from him and she hesitantly sat down. They both sat awkwardly for a few minutes when Joe walked over.

"Hey strangers, can I get you something?" He asked with a smile.

Meredith shook her head at the same time Alex replied with a simple "No thanks." He gave them both odd looks, knowing they enjoyed a drink, but didn't say anything before returning to his place behind the counter.

Meredith and Alex looked at each other for the first time since she sat down, and neither knew what to say. They both had about fifty questions for the other, but they wanted the other to speak first. Neither of them wanted to because they were afraid of what the other would say to them.

Alex sat there and continued chewing on the bar nuts, and Meredith was fiddling with the shells he dropped into a pile on the table. She didn't notice when he stopped adding more shells until she had broken all of them into little bits. They were finally forced to talk to each other.

Seeing as he demanded they talk, Alex decided he should probably start.

"I honestly don't know what to say to you. I just knew that we needed to talk. We need to figure out what this is so we can figure out how to fix it."

Meredith looked at the table, trying not to look up at him. She didn't want to talk, but she knew he was right when he said that they need to. She gave a small nod of agreement, and Alex let out a sigh.

"So, why haven't you spoken to me since that night in the locker room? You asked me to tell you the truth, and I did. I don't understand why you've distanced yourself from me."

Meredith leaned back in her seat and looked around the bar. She honestly didn't have much of an answer. Being told what Derek said had freaked her out, but that doesn't mean she needed avoid Alex.

She decided to just tell him the truth. "I don't know. I'm sorry for avoiding you. I guess I just freaked out and had no idea what I was supposed to do or say."

They both reached for a handful of bar nuts at the same time and their hands gently collided. They let their hands hover for a moment, and then looked up at each other. Meredith retracted her hand, but Alex's lingered there for a few seconds longer. When he pulled it back, he spoke again. "I know. But Meredith, you should know how I felt about what Shepard said. But I would like to hear what it has done to you first. Especially considering you've stopped talking to me."

Meredith knew what it had done to her, but she couldn't put it into words. Or more accurately, couldn't say it out loud. Things had never been stranger with Alex than they were now, and if she said what she was thinking, it could completely ruin things; and she was surprised that hadn't happened already.

Alex gave her what looked like his version of the McDreamy face, but it didn't appear he knew he was doing it because when she gave him an odd look he didn't really stop. He just kept his eyes fixed on hers.

"Um, well when you told me what Derek said, I thought that… I mean I was – well…"

"I can go first if you don't know how to tell me." Alex told her, despite what he'd said earlier. He wasn't exactly rushing to be so up front about this, but Meredith clearly was not going to offer up her feelings like this. She did nothing to accept his suggestion but stay silent. This was answer enough for Alex, so he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He felt himself shaking and started bouncing his leg under the table to make it less obvious. All it did was make him look more nervous though. He gulped and was sure that Meredith probably heard it. There was no look of expectance on her face, but he knew that she was waiting for him to start talking.

"I think you know that things have changed with us in the past few weeks. I don't know what it means though, and I want to. I just feel like ever since what happened in the stairwell, you and I have been different with each other. A good different, but still different. At first things were more stable and subtle, but now I have no clue what's happening. And I want you to know how I feel about this but I don't know how to put it into words, even though you deserve to know…" Alex took another breath and continued.

"Look, there's something you need to know, but I've really just only figured this out myself. From how you've been acting I think the same thing has been on your mind. Our friendship means everything to me, especially considering you are about the only person who can put up with my crap."

Meredith laughed at his words, and Alex didn't feel as nervous. "I have my fair share of crap you need to put up with." she told him. Alex chuckled at her words, knowing they were true but knowing better than to agree with her. It didn't appear that Meredith was going to say anything else, so Alex kept talking. The only thing was, he couldn't say what he needed to say.

"Do you have a pen?" he asked. She gave him a quizzical look, but pulled a pen out of her purse. Alex reached across the table and took it, then he grabbed a napkin from the back corner of the table. He wrote as quickly as he could while keeping his words legible.

When he finished, he clicked the pen and handed it back to Meredith. He folded the napkin and moved to slide it across the table. He hesitated slightly when she reached out for it, and she noticed. Meredith looked into his eyes and smiled unsurely. He smiled back and she brought her hand to the napkin. Their fingers touched and it sent chills up Meredith's spine. She had no idea what might be written on that small, simple square of paper and that combined with their contact was sending shockwaves throughout her body.

She finally took complete hold of the napkin and nervously unfolded it. It was nearly full with the words Alex was afraid to say. The words he wanted to say but couldn't. The words that had been eating at him for over a week and a half. The words that he knew might scare her off. But he wrote them anyway. He wrote them because she needed to read them, needed to know what was going on inside his head. And he needed to know what was going on in hers. After this she might tell him, or she might run away and not look back.

And as she looked down at that napkin, Alex held his breath.

And held it.

And held it.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

 **A/N: Hey guys, welcome back! I want to give a huge shout out to the reviewers** _ **Tessa-Thomas, Perfecta999, and Slexieforever**_ **for supporting me and making want to write even more. I love every single one of my readers, so here is your next chapter.**

 _Mer, I don't really know how to say this, so this is the best I can do. After everything that has happened between you and Derek and between me and Izzie, I have no idea what is going on. I think we are both freaked out about whatever is going on, and know that we need to figure this out. I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurts me to see you pulling away, but it also hurts me to see you stick around and be in pain. It hurts me to see you in pain, to see you sad, to see you hurt. For a while now you and I have been each other's safe place. Even though you have Yang, you've been coming to me lately. And even though I'm a jackass, you seem to care about me. Why, I have no clue. But you have no idea how grateful I am. Which is why I need to tell you something, but once I do, I can't take it back. Once I put this out there, there is no turning back. So you can understand why I've been hesitant to say anything. You mean so much to me, and so does our friendship. I don't know if saying this will make you run away from me even faster or make you come back to me. But I need to say this. I don't know how to ease into it so I'm just going to say it._

 _I think I love you. And that scares the hell out of me, because I don't know what to do. Normally I would talk to you about something like this, but I can't exactly do that right now. This is my best guess to what's going on, but I could be wrong. Besides, I don't know how you're feeling about this. For all I know this could just be me substituting what happened with Izzie into our friendship. All that I am sure of is that I don't want to lose you. I don't care what you are to me as long as you are in my life. I mean, I would prefer it if you didn't hate me, but that's better than you not being in my life at all. So I am going to leave this up to you. Whatever happens next is your call. I want you to take your time, and think about this clearly. Let me know what you want to do, and then we can figure something out. Because I couldn't keep this to myself any longer. It's been driving me crazy, not telling you this. And now you know. But knowing you, you are reading all of this and having it go completely over your head. So, I'm going to say it again._

 _I think I love you._

As Meredith read the words on the napkin in front of her, the first thing that entered her mind was that this was a big-ass napkin. How could such a small piece of collected fibres hold so many words? There were more words on this napkin than there should be. This many words shouldn't fit on such a small square. None of the thoughts that crossed her mind were the ones that should have. She didn't panic at what Alex had written, didn't stop to think about what her own feelings were. All she could think of was how could such a large amount of words fit on something so small? It's not like the napkins at the bar were tiny, but they weren't that big either. So how did he manage to fit all these words on here?

Alex tried his best not to panic as Meredith sat there staring at the napkin. She had been looking at it for almost ten minutes and hadn't said anything. She hadn't even done anything. She was in the same position as she was when she first started reading it. She had done nothing to indicate that she had taken in the words in front of her, didn't even look up at him. All Alex could do was imagine what was going through her mind right now.

She was probably trying to come up with a way to tell him the truth. Trying to figure out how to let him down without ruining everything. After another five minutes of silence from her, Alex tilted his head at an angle he was sure Meredith would see him at. However, her eyes stayed glued to the words in front of her.

When she finally tore her eyes away from the paper, she opened her mouth to speak. She was cut off though by the sound of someone else's voice.

"Hey, Alex. can we talk?"

Meredith and Alex looked up to the owner of the voice, and Alex's jaw just about dropped. Even though he knew the owner of the voice, it took his brain until he saw them to register it.

"Um, I'm kinda in the middle of something here, Iz."

Izzie nodded her head. "I know, but it's important." She told him.

Alex looked over to Meredith, who was currently fiddling with the napkin. She didn't do anything to indicate she was paying attention. She had folded the napkin up again so Izzie couldn't see that anything was written on it. When she brought her gaze up from it, her eyes were glazed over. Alex didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

He waited for Meredith to either give him permission, or tell him not to go. Sadly, he didn't know which he wanted to hear from her. If she he asked him to stay, it would give them the opportunity to talk about this. And if she gave him permission to go, then he could avoid hearing anything bad for a while. He didn't know which he wanted more.

"If I'm interrupting we can talk later." Izzie offered.

Meredith shook her head. "No, go ahead. Alex and I can finish this tomorrow." She said as she shoved the napkin-letter in her purse and stood from her seat across from Alex. As she stood up, so did he.

"Meredith," he started, but didn't get to finish.

"We'll talk tomorrow, Alex. I'll let you know tomorrow." She said, pointing to her purse. He tried to read her facial expression but got nothing, so he just nodded. With that, Meredith turned and headed for the door, Alex's eyes following her until she was gone.

As Izzie sat down in Meredith's place across from him, he copied the movement. Izzie folded her hands on the table in front of her and sighed. It wasn't a sad or disappointed sigh, it was just a sigh.

"So, what do you want?" Alex asked, trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

Izzie leaned forward slightly and pushed a stray hair from her face. She smiled, but Alex had a hard time figuring out what it meant. He hadn't been spending any time with her, and was beginning to forget some of the things he knew about her before. He forgot what her tells were, so he just let her talk.

"I want to talk about us."

 **A/N: Sorry for cutting it off here. If I kept going this chapter would have been WAY too long. Come back soon to find out what will happen next. Xx -S**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Meredith regretted walking away. The minute she walked out that door, she wanted to turn around and go back in. The problem was, what would she say? If she went back inside and went back to Alex, what was she supposed to say? Izzie probably wouldn't be happy with her and if she interrupted who knows what she would over hear. She probably didn't want to hear whatever they were talking about. Knowing Izzie, she would be mad if she went back in. Meredith really didn't need Izzie to be pissed at her right now, so she decided against going back. But all night, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her head that she should have gone back.

Alex wanted Meredith to come back. He wished that he'd had the courage to tell her not to go, but his mind had gone blank. And because of that, he had to watch her walk away. Had to watch Meredith walk away from him, and stick around to see the not-so-hidden smirk on Izzie's face as that happened. He pretended not to notice it, but he did. He spent all night imagining what it would have been like had Meredith come back, or had he gone after her. But the reality of the situation haunted him, prevented him from getting any sleep.

Izzie was proud of herself. She'd had the guts to stand up to Meredith Grey and take back what was rightfully hers. Whatever was going on with Alex and Meredith was over. That she was sure of, because she made Alex sure of it too. After what she said, there was no way he would go back to her, just friends or not. And if tomorrow at work she was called a bitch, it didn't matter. Because she had Alex back. When she walked in the front door after returning from the bar, Meredith was sitting in the living room, staring at the tv. She wasn't drunk, so Izzie had gotten to her. She couldn't help but smile at herself. For once, she did something for herself, and that was a very, very good thing.

When Alex, Meredith and Izzie saw each other in the locker room the next morning, it was tense. Alex avoided all eye contact with Meredith and looked uncomfortable when Izzie looked at him. Meredith still didn't know what happened the previous night, and wasn't sure if she wanted to. Izzie seemed extremely happy compared to the last couple weeks, and everyone was noticing. No one took much of an interest though. Izzie Stevens had been nothing but a bitch for over a month, and now something had changed. They assumed it was just her mood swings, at least until she was seen with Alex at the end of their shift.

She was waiting for him by the main doors at the end of the day. She didn't look the least bit stressed out or nervous. Alex, on the other hand, was noticeably on edge. As he approached the exit, he began fiddling with his keys. When he got to Izzie, she smiled and held out her hand. Alex hesitated, but he took it. His grip was practically non-existent, whereas Izzie's was firm and sure. He couldn't help but look down at their hands, at the contact that felt so foreign to him.

There were so many people in the lobby, and almost all of them were hospital staff. And all those staff members were looking at them, watching them. And among those many staff members, was Meredith.

 _As Alex watched Meredith race to the door, he couldn't help but long to follow her with more than just his gaze. Clearly sensing that, Izzie stepped to the side and blocked Meredith from Alex's view. When he snapped his eyes to hers, she smiled and sat down. Alex copied her, and Izzie leaned forward. She didn't hesitate to start talking. And being Izzie, she had a hard time stopping._

" _I know I was a bitch about everything, but I do care about you. Not only do I care about you, I miss you. I'm sorry about the way I acted, I was being a brat. But my point is, I want to be your brat again. I didn't realize how stupid I was until I saw you and Meredith together. It made me hate what I did, even though you are technically the one who messed up."_

 _Alex gave her a confused and offended look, and she looked down at the table. "Sorry. But as I was saying, I want to give this another shot. I know that we've already given this like two or three shots, but I think we can make this work. I really do. And I want you to think that too. So, can we please try this?" Izzie finished, a nervous smile on her face._

 _Alex blinked, trying to determine if Izzie was really there, saying these things, or if he was dreaming. Apparently, this was all real. Everything that happened, was real._

 _When he didn't say anything, Izzie stood. "You don't need to say anything right now. Just think about." She told him, followed by bending down, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a quick kiss. As she pulled away, her smile widened._

 _Izzie walked away, and Alex sat there flabbergasted. After everything that has happened, he has just started to figure things out. And now Izzie had to come back and jumble everything up again._

Meredith watched Izzie and Alex walk out of the hospital hand in hand, neither of them noticing her. She reached into the pocket of her lab coat and felt the papery texture of the napkin. It had been resting there all day, waiting for the right moment to be pulled out. But it never happened.

Slamming the chart she was holding shut, Meredith raced back to the locker room. Luckily, no one was there, so she pulled the napkin out of her pocket and unfolded it. Sitting down on the bench behind her, Meredith read through it for probably the fiftieth time that day. The words had finally begun to sink in this morning, and now she couldn't stop. Couldn't stop reading the words that meant more to her than she thought they would.

"Whatcha readin'?" George asked as he walked in to the locker room.

Folding it back up, Meredith pulled her shoes and other pants out of her locker. "Nothing. It-it's nothing." She stuttered. With George's back turned, she took the opportunity to change into the jeans she arrived in that morning.

"It didn't seem like nothing with the way you were absorbed in it." He said in a teasing tone.

Meredith sighed and slipped the note in her pocket, pulled her bag out of her locker and closed it. Before she could leave, George's hand was on her shoulder.

"Just so you know, I know. And I don't hold it against you either."

Meredith looked at him, acting confused even though she was sure she knew what he was talking about. "I don't know-."

"Yes, you do. And for the record, what Izzie did was really mean. But if it comes down to it, I can't be on anybody's side. I do support you though."

He smiled, a genuine George smile. Meredith smiled back, and George left her alone. Looking down at the note again, she opened Alex's locker and left it on the shelf. Giving it one last look, she took a breath and let it out. She shut his locker, and the note was enveloped in total darkness. Any hope or light that came from it and its words, were gone.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17.

 **A/N: Sorry I am taking so long with these updates, with school back on I haven't had a lot of time. But I promise I won't abandon this story. No matter how long I take, there will always be another chapter up. So, here's the latest one.**

 **A message for** _ **Silentmayhem: Basically, what I have done was taken the scene from chapter one directly from the show, then gone AU from there. I had the idea while watching the episode, but couldn't work it in to the plot, so I made it my own. In this story, Finn and Denny won't be coming in, and don't have any impact on my plotline. Sorry for the confusion!**_

Alex started his morning with dread and sadness. Izzie was happy all the time and everyone was ready to slap the joy out of her, especially Alex. He knew that this happiness came from the fact that he wasn't hanging out with Meredith anymore, and that pissed him off. But his morning got a whole lot worse when he opened his locker to find a folded napkin on the shelf. He didn't need to unfold it to know what it was and who left it. And the sight of it in his locker ruined his day before it even started.

Looking around the locker room, Meredith was nowhere to be seen. His gaze met George's and he immediately looked away. Whatever O'Malley knew, he knew something. And he was Izzie's best friend so there was a chance he would talk to her. At this point he was screwed with Meredith. He made a mistake and now he was paying for it. He didn't even need to talk to her to know that. The fact that she left the napkin in his locker was confirmation enough.

He was on a transplant with Burke, so he was going to be busy today. Most of his day would be spent in the OR, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It would mean he didn't get to see Meredith today, but it also meant he could avoid Izzie.

He was on his way to the patient's room when he walked into George. He muttered an apology and shuffled around him, but he was stopped. "Alex,"

He turned around and George looked like he was regretting what he just did. He continued though. "Meredith hasn't told me anything, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what's going on. And there isn't much I can do, but I can tell you that you messed up. Whatever you and Izzie are doing, it's killing her. So please, fix this. Because there isn't anything anyone can do to help you."

Before Alex could say anything, George took off in the opposite direction. Alex didn't hang around to think about what he said, he only turned and headed to the patient's room.

Burke wasn't happy that he had taken so long, but he didn't say anything about it. He only instructed him to get the patient to pre-op and then left.

Alex was slightly distracted during the surgery, and Burke noticed. He had to make him regain focus three times before kicking him out of the OR completely. Alex thought he could manage it, but when he glanced up at the gallery, he saw Meredith standing by the door. Their eyes locked for a fraction of a second and Meredith took off. Burke looked up just in time to see her back, and he grunted. He then looked back to Alex and said, in an angry tone, "Karev, you are clearly unfocussed and are not currently capable of being any help to me. I want you to leave the OR and cover my post-ops. Maybe next time you're on my service you will be able to leave your baggage elsewhere."

Not having it in him to deny what Burke had said, Alex backed away from the table, tore off his gown, gloves and mask, and went to scrub out. He did so roughly, and his hands and wrists were red when he was done. He dried them off and emerged into the hallway. He took his time making it to the nurses' station in the cardio wing, and had to deal with five post-ops and two CICU patients.

As Alex finished with the final patient, Burke was still in surgery. He still had a couple of hours to kill and nothing else to do, so he headed to the gallery to watch the transplant. After fifteen or so minutes of that, he was motioned to come down. He headed down and grabbed a mask. When he walked in, Burke asked a series of questions including 'How are my post-ops?' 'Is Mrs. Davidson in the CICU doing well?' and 'Are you any less distracted than you were earlier?' When Alex answered 'no' to the final question, he was told to go help in the pit. Having zero energy to argue, he did as he was told.

The rest of Alex's shift consisted of doing sutures in the pit. There were no major traumas and Burke never paged him, so that was his day. Literally. He never left the pit after that. There was a constant flow of minor traumas that needed taken care of. When he was finally released at the end of the day, the dragged his feet to the locker room. He was hoping if he took long enough that Izzie would leave without him and he wouldn't have to deal with her tonight.

As he was walking through the hall on his way there, he heard Izzie's voice around the corner. Panicking, he dodged into a patient's room and closed the shades on the window. There was an elderly man in the bed, who looked absolutely drained.

"Hello… Are you… on… my case now… too?" he asked between raspy breaths. Alex shook his head but stepped closer to the side of the bed. He took a quick look out of the shades and Izzie was standing at the nurses' station. And on the opposite end just happened to Meredith, her eyes glued to a chart.

"Dammit." He mumbled, turning back to the man, who had what looked like a smirk on his face.

"What?" Alex asked. The man laughed – though it was more of a wheeze – and smiled. "It's… lady trouble… am I right?" he said. Alex thought about for a moment and nodded. Everything that was going on could definitely be considered lady trouble.

The man smiled wider, shut his eyes and nodded. "I've been having… problems with that too. The doctor… on my case… I'm getting nowhere with her." he said, laughing as he did. Alex couldn't help but smile at the man, who was clearly teasing him. Normally this would piss him off, but right now he was just thankful to not have to deal with any of the other interns.

"Really? I wonder why. A man like you should be a wiz with the ladies." Alex humoured him, and he laughed once again, only this time it was followed by a cough.

"I know! That's what… I've been… telling her. All day."

Alex smiled and took a step closer. He was going to look at his chart to learn his name, but it wasn't there. Alex shrugged it off, figuring a nurse had it. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the door opening. He turned to see who it was and his stomach hit the floor.

"Alright, Darren, how are you…" she trailed off. Meredith looked from Alex to the patient – Darren – and began stuttering. "I just – are you – I thought that…"

Alex was speechless. He had no clue what to say, so they stood there with the sound of Darren's monitors filling the silence. Darren looked between Alex and Meredith and he smiled. "I'm doing… just fine… Dr. Grey. This man… has been… keeping me company." He told her. She looked down at the chart, baffled, and walked around to the other side of the bed. She checked Darren's vitals and scribbled on the chart.

Meredith wouldn't even look at Alex, and this drove him up the wall. Yes, he had done a few things to deserve her anger, but this was just ridiculous. Not caring about being in front of a patient, Alex tried to get her to talk to him. "Are you really not even going to look at me?" he asked.

No response. He tried again. "I got the napkin. What do you want me to do with it?"

Still nothing. Knowing she wasn't going to answer, Alex didn't bother to say anything else. Meredith ignored his presence, but couldn't when Darren spoke up. "Is this… the girl you've… been having trouble with?" he asked.

Alex looked over to him and Meredith's eyes widened. "What? What did he just say?"

"Oh, it is… isn't it?" he teased and Alex looked to the floor. "Darling, he's a good one… a charmer…"

Before Darren could say anything else, he turned to the door. He was willing to take his chances with finding Izzie in the hallway. "Feel better Darren." He said as he bolted out the door. Izzie was gone, but he took the long way to the locker room anyway, just to be safe.

Back in Darren's room, Meredith was blushing like crazy and was fiddling with all the monitors and machines. She wasn't actually doing anything, and Darren knew that. "Go for it… what harm could it do?" he said, followed by a wink.

Meredith forced a laugh, but it was painfully fake. "It's already done harm. I can't go through that again." She told him, a lump in her throat.

Darren nodded slowly. "Let me tell you something dear… if you don't go for it… you'll regret it… don't wind up my age… and alone because you were… too scared to… do anything about it."

Meredith looked in to Darren's eyes, and he spoke again. "He's a good one… I can tell you that. Don't miss… your chance sweetheart. Grow some balls and… tell him…" As he finished speaking, Darren's head slowly bobbed on to his shoulder and he closed his eyes. There was a three second period that Meredith was frozen in place, until she snapped out of it and hit the code button on the wall.

Alex was sitting on a bench in the locker room waiting for Meredith. Everyone else had left already, so he was holding the napkin-note in his lap. He had read through it about a dozen or so times when Meredith finally entered the locker room. Her eyes were red and her hair was messy, as though she had run her hands through it a few too many times. She saw him right away, but ignored his presence. Alex stood, napkin in hand and walked over to her. She was so close to her locker that she was practically inside of it.

Alex came up behind her, so close that his chest was pressing against her back. He heard her sniff and knew what had happened. He closed his eyes and took in the smell of her. She hadn't been in an OR all day so she still smelled like herself, rather than the chemicals everyone smelled like after coming out of a surgery. He exhaled at the same time she did and he spoke. "I'm sorry he died."

Meredith did nothing to acknowledge him, and he knew that she wouldn't. With the note neatly folded in his hand, he gripped the side of her locker with his left hand and wrapped his right arm around her. He found her hand and slipped the napkin in to it. Once he did that, he placed his hand around hers and squeezed. He leaned against her a bit more and shut his eyes again. His face was buried in her shoulder and he sighed. He could feel the goosebumps that appeared on her skin.

Pulling away slightly, he kissed the top of her head and then pulled himself away from her completely. He reached over to pick up his bag and was out of the room in four long strides. Meredith was left alone in the locker room, eyes shut, hands balled around the note. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and a single tear slid down her cheek.

Her final words of the day were ones that no one else heard.

"I love you too."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

 **A/N:**

Meredith never spoke those words again. They were not intended to be heard by anyone. And so, she spent the next three days hanging around Cristina, hoping to take her mind off things. Off him. It had been working up until she asked what was going on at lunch.

"Are you gonna to tell me what's up or are you just going to sit there and pout." She asked, taking a bite of her apple. Meredith shrugged and looked over at George, who was staying out of it.

"Nothing's going on. I'm tired, that's all." She lied.

Cristina grunted. "Sure, Mer. I'm just saying that you don't have to keep everything to yourself."

"Look who's talking." Meredith said defensively. George shifted uncomfortably in his seat beside her. Cristina glared at him and set her apple on her plate.

"Something to say, Bambi? Or are you just going to sit there looking ready to pee yourself.?" She asked sarcastically. George looked unaffected by what Cristina, but his face paled significantly when he looked past her. Meredith followed his gaze and found Alex and Izzie sitting at a table together not too far away. Izzie was laughing, probably at something Alex said. At least that's what Meredith thought until she found that Alex wasn't even paying attention to Izzie. Instead, he was looking in their direction. More specifically, at her. When she tore her gaze away, George rubbed her shoulder and Cristina was munching on her apple.

Meredith looked down at her plate, her appetite gone. She stood up and left without saying anything, and heard Cristina's questions being shot at her from behind. She didn't turn around or answer them though. As she passed by them, Izzie looked annoyed and Alex looked sad. She ignored both their looks though and continued walking. She was on Derek's service today and needed to hide from Alex, so it was a bonus on both ends. She could obviously avoid Alex, and she could go watch someone get their head sliced open. She only hoped that Derek wouldn't sense the change in her mood and ask about it.

Alex was tired. He was tired of the glares he got from George, the laughter that was constantly coming out of Izzie's mouth, the whispers people thought he couldn't hear even though he heard every word. Most of all, he was tired of not talking to Meredith. He needed to see more than just at work, needed to tell her about all the cool stuff he's done and seen in the last few days, needed to know how she was without asking someone else.

When she walked past him during lunch, he swore he could feel the energy that had developed between them. It got stronger the closer she was, and faded as she got farther away. Izzie had seemed a bit uptight after that, but Alex was done with her. She wouldn't let him talk to Meredith because she thought she would drive another wedge between them.

But he'd had enough. Izzie couldn't tell him what he can and can't do. And frankly, he was just done with Izzie in general. She was a total drama queen and had been a bitch lately. He just couldn't take it anymore. So when lunch was coming to an end and they were walking through the halls together, he pulled her into an on-call room.

"Alex, what are you doing? We don't have time for- "

"I can't do this." He said bluntly.

Izzie frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't do this." He said, gesturing between them. "I don't know why we started this again, because honestly, I don't have feelings for you anymore. I haven't for a while. And ever since we got this going again you have been really controlling and I don't like that. Sometimes I don't even like you. You have been such a bitch to Meredith for months, and then all of a sudden you are ignoring her and are happy with the rest of the world. And I don't like that. You can be mad at her but that doesn't mean you need to act like this. I- "

"I'm sorry but how exactly am I acting?" she asked in a defensive tone.

Alex took a breath and released it. He knew this would make the Izzie situation worse for everybody, but he had to say this. Even if it meant turning Izzie into a bitching monster for a while. If it meant he could get Meredith back, it was worth it though.

"I am going to tell you want I need to tell you, and you aren't allowed to interrupt me. Got it?" he asked. She nodded her head, but looked confused.

Alex took a breath and began. "You don't treat Meredith well. In fact, you treat her terribly. You are rude to her, you talk crap about her to other people and lately you have been nothing but a bitch to and towards her. And I don't like it. I really don't. And it isn't just that. You have been a bitch to me too. You are too controlling. You won't even let me talk to her and she is my best friend. My best friend, Izzie! And I am dying without her. I loved you, so much. You know that, but I don't love you anymore. I can't. I want to, believe me. It would be easier, better even. But I don't."

Izzie looked like she was going to cry, but she also looked like she was ready to break his fingers. She did neither though. "You know, I'm a bitch to her because I know how she feels about you. And you need to listen to me when I say that you don't need that. She never knows if she has moved on from McDreamy or not. She is messed up Alex, and I mean seriously messed up. You should see her when she is up at three in the morning crying and drunk because of Derek. Then the next morning she doesn't remember so she goes on with the rest of her day with you. And you know what they say; drunken words speak sober thoughts."  
"And when exactly is the last time that happened Izzie? Because for a while now I have stayed with her when she gets so wasted she doesn't remember her own name!"

"And that's supposed to be me!" she yelled back. Izzie was breathing hard now, and was on the verge of crying. Her eyes were filled with tears and he could tell she was trying not to. He was confused by what she had said. What did she mean by that? "What are you talking about?" he asked.

Izzie rolled her eyes and the tears fell. "It's supposed to be me that you stay with, when I'm that little bit too drunk. It's supposed to me that you hate when people talk badly about. It's supposed to be me that you want to be with, Alex! It's supposed to be me!"

Alex took a step back and braced himself against the wall. Izzie still loved him, he loved Meredith, he didn't know who Meredith loved. He prayed that it was him, but they hadn't been around each other enough for him to know.

"I know that you love her. Everyone does. And most of us think she loves you too. But I wanted it to be me that you loved. I didn't want you to love her, because it meant I loved someone who didn't love me back and that can destroy a person. But it's clear who you want to be with, so you should just go."

Alex took a step back towards her and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Go, Alex! Just. Go."

He stood there for a few seconds, waiting to see if he was going to say anything else. She didn't, so he left. But before walking away, he hovered by the door to see what she did. Rather than the tears and sobs he expected, there was a bang and a grunt. Alex had a hard time deciding if Izzie was more sad or angry. But it didn't matter because it wasn't his problem anymore. He would always care about Izzie, but he couldn't love her anymore.

Meredith managed to get out of the locker room and home before anyone else could stop her. Izzie was on-call and George was in a surgery that wouldn't be over for a few hours, so she had the house to herself. Seeing that there was no food in the fridge, she just ordered a pizza. Flicking through the channels on the tv, she found nothing worth watching. Eventually, she just went through all the programs Izzie had recorded and picked some random comedy movie. She wasn't really paying attention, so when the doorbell rang she had no idea what was happening in the scene in front of her.

She pulled herself up off the couch and headed for the door. The shades were shut on the door so she just assumed it was her pizza. But when she pulled it open, Alex was waiting for her on the other side. Their eyes locked and he smiled. It had been a while since she saw that smile from him.

She couldn't say anything, so she just stood there. Alex stepped closer to her, but Meredith made no move to let him in. He looked like he was shaking with nerves, but she didn't ask about it. He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again. Instead, he took a chance. He was quick about it so it didn't create ant tension. But there would definitely be tension tomorrow. Because he was taking a major chance by doing this.

Before he could stop himself, or convince himself this was wrong, he threw caution into the wind and kissed her.

 **A/N: Sorry! Had to cut it off here. Promise to update soon. Love you all! Xx -S**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19.

 **A/N: Sorry for taking so long with updates. School has made me busy, but I will update as often as I can.**

Meredith couldn't breathe. She was having such a normal, boring night and then she couldn't breathe. It wasn't a bad thing though. Normally not being able to breathe was a bad thing, but right here, right now, it wasn't. In fact, it was the opposite of bad. She couldn't breathe, but she had never felt better.

She shut her eyes almost immediately, nearly drowning in bliss. Her mind was so distracted that she just stood there, arms at her sides, kissing Alex.

 _Kissing Alex._

Far too soon, the kiss was broken. Meredith looked up at him but didn't know what to say. Alex smiled and she smiled back, but before she could figure out what to say, he turned around and sped off. Meredith stood there, the cool wind hitting her face. But despite that, her cheeks were still flushed with heat. She stood there smiling, pressing her fingers against her lips.

When she snapped back into reality, there was a woman who looked to be in her forties in front of her, holding a pizza. She pulled a twenty out of her pocket and handed it over. "Keep the change" Meredith told her. The woman nodded a thank you and hesitated at the steps.

"It must have been one heck of a kiss."

Meredith whipped her head in the woman's direction. "What?"

She laughed. "I have two daughters darling, I know what it looks like to be stunned by a kiss."

Before Meredith could say anything, the woman walked away. As she turned to go back into the house, she smiled again. The thought of his lips on hers a vivid memory.

The next day at the hospital, all the interns had to attend a skills lab the would last until lunch. The only one who was looking forward to it was Cristina, probably because she already knew how to do what they were being taught, making her the best. As usual.

Meredith took this as an opportunity to shake the kiss out of her head, and focus on the medicine. It would give her a distraction. It was an amazing kiss, but she couldn't let it keep her from doing her job. And it was already doing that.

"Hello… Mer!"

Meredith snapped her head over to Cristina, who was sitting next to her at the table. "What?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Never mind. Just pay attention, we're starting now." She faced forward and Meredith copied the action. Dr. Webber was running the lab, so it was important they impress him. Everyone in the room was sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for instructions. All but three of the interns.

Meredith was listening and doing everything correctly, but her mind kept wandering. She didn't know that she wanted to taste his lips until she did. Not until his soft lips were on hers. He tasted like cinnamon, and smelled like a mild mint. Even though she kind of just stood there, Alex had his hand caressing her cheek. His hand was warm and his kiss was gentle. And no matter how hard she tried to push it from her mind, it was always there.

Alex was sitting in the row beside Meredith, two tables back. He got the hang of things right away, so he wasn't worried about messing up. As Dr. Webber spoke, he found his gaze repeatedly moving to the back of Meredith's head. As he watched her tilt her head every few minutes, he couldn't help but think of the previous night. How he finally worked up the courage. How her lips felt against his. The way that not only did she not pull away, but how she seemed sure. She gently kissed him back, barely enough to be noticed. But he noticed, and he couldn't get it out of his head.

Izzie could sense Alex's distraction. She was next to him during the skills lab and he had a different sort of energy about him. Normally he was either annoyed or pissed off. He didn't seem to experience any other mood. But today, there was something different about him. She couldn't quite tell what it was, but it was definitely something. At first, she thought it just had to do with sitting next to her, but he kept looking over at Meredith. That wasn't anything unusual lately, but it was the way he was looking at her. With desire, rather than longing. She knew she shouldn't have ended things with him as soon as she got home the previous night. Maybe she could have made him love her again, instead of Meredith. But it wasn't too late. She still had a chance, she just needed to take advantage of it. And she was going to. She wasn't going to let him slip away again.

That night at home, Izzie was prepared to put her plan into action. George was on-call tonight so she and Meredith would be home alone. She risked this finding it's way back to Alex, but she was willing to do it anyway.

She slowly approached Meredith in the living room, where she was currently watching something Izzie did not recognize. She subtly sat down on the couch beside her. Meredith didn't acknowledge her and they both stayed silent for a while. Neither of them knew for how long. When Izzie was ready, she pushed a few stray hairs out of her face.

Her plan was originally to make her think Alex had been calling her and wanting her back, but didn't think Meredith would believe a story like that. So, she decided to just go with intimidation. Because Meredith Grey had no chance against her. Izzie was raised in a trailer park. She learned to deal with nasty people by the time she was five years old.

"I am going to say something to you, and I am only going to say it once. So, you need to listen to me." She waited for a reaction from Meredith, but did not receive one. She continued, knowing she would get one soon.

"Alex is the first guy I think I've ever actually loved, and I don't want that to disappear. But because of you, it slowly is. And if you think I am going to stand by and watch it happen, well, guess what? That isn't going to happen. I won't let it. You are only going to hurt him, Meredith. Just look at what happened with you and Derek. But I won't. And I'll have you know that I am going to fight for him. I will not hesitate to get into it with you if it comes down to it, and trust me when I say that I will win. You don't want to mess with me, Meredith. And you sure as hell don't want to tell anyone about this. Because if you do, not only will I know, but it will destroy Alex." This especially grabbed her attention. Izzie knew she had her from the look in her eyes.

"That's right. And you know it will, so think twice before you try and tell anyone about this. If you really care about Alex, you'll leave him alone. You can think of me as an evil bitch if you want, but you know I'm right. About all of it. I can love him better than you can, Meredith. I already have." Izzie stood up and left Meredith with her thoughts. As she turned into the hallway, she peeked around the corner to look at Meredith. She hadn't moved, but there was an empty look in her eyes, like the last bit of light that lived there had gone out. She felt bad for about half a second before remembering how it felt when she and Alex were happy. That is what kept her going. The thought of not only having him back, but having put Meredith in her place.

Izzie's words haunted Meredith all night. She had meant to shake her, and she did. Somehow, she knew that something happened between her and Alex, and wanted Meredith to know she didn't want it happening again. But no matter what Izzie said, the memory of Alex's kiss was stronger than her words. This time, she wasn't going to give in. Izzie wanted Alex to have the satisfaction of getting him back, not to be with him. She wasn't going to say anything about what Izzie told her, but she also wasn't going to do nothing. She just didn't know what to do.

Alex told her – well, wrote to her – that he loved her. And she knew that she loved him too. And she needed to tell him that. It wasn't enough to have just kissed him. He needed to know that she loved him too. So tomorrow, she was going to tell him. She didn't care what Izzie said. She loved him and he needed to know.

 **A/N: I'll update soon guys. Hope you are still enjoying the story. I didn't plan for it to be this long, but I think it has turned out pretty well. Love you all! Xx -S**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20.

 **A/N: I'm glad you guys seem to be loving the story. Well, most of you. Here is another chapter for all my loyal readers.**

 **To the guest reviewer who has been wanting a MerDer story from me, I plan to write one when I am finished with this just for you. I already have a rough outline for the story, so just hang on to this one for now and you will get your story. I promise :)**

 **A message for** _ **Kay:**_ **I'm happy you like the story so much. Thanks for letting me know what you think and keep coming back for more.**

The next morning, Alex and Meredith kept swapping glances in the locker room. The knowledge that this was happening made them both smile. Their eyes locked multiple times, and it just widened their smiles. George noticed and smiled too. He may be Izzie's best friend, but Meredith deserved to be happy after everything she has gone through. And Alex, well he was better than everyone thought he was. Especially with Meredith. When Meredith and George looked at each other, he smiled at her and she grinned wider than he had ever seen.

Dr. Bailey came in and barked orders at everyone, then stood at the door waiting for everyone to get moving. Meredith and Alex were the last two out and they smirked as they bumped into each other. Bailey grunted and rolled her eyes, and that resulted in a laugh from the two. They went their separate ways, but not before purposely brushing hands.

Meredith was on neuro today, and for the first time in a long time, she wasn't dreading it. She walked up to him at a nurse's station and tried to wipe the smile off her face before he noticed it. But he did notice and he smirked.

"Someone had a good morning." He said in a teasing tone. She couldn't help but smile and nod. "Yes, I did."

Derek smirked and handed her the patient chart, then headed towards the elevator. Meredith followed him and looked over the chart. When they got into the elevator, Derek decided to ask what was up with her.

"So, what happened this morning that's making you so happy?"

Meredith tucked the chart under her arm and looked over at him. "Oh, nothing." She told him.

Derek laughed. "Oh really? Because I'd say that something has made you pretty damn happy and it's still early. Your day is off to a great start."

Meredith laughed. "I would tell you if I could. But I can't. So I'm not going to."

Derek glanced over at her and smiled, then looked back at the elevator doors. "You're rambling. You only ramble like that when something happens with…" Derek trailed off and looked over at Meredith. She looked away but there was a twinkle in her eyes he hadn't seen in a while. A twinkle he only saw before Addison came back.

He figured things out quickly and opened his mouth wide. "No way. You and – "

"Shut up!" she said, cutting him off. When she looked back over at him he was smiling. Not the McDreamy smile, a Derek smile.

As they stepped out of the elevator, she handed him the chart. He tucked it under his arm and started walking towards the patient room. Just before they entered, he turned to face her. "I want you to know that I am happy for you. He may be an ass with everyone else, but he is amazing with you. I never knew he would turn out to be such a good guy."

Meredith smiled and nodded. "We haven't really done anything or figured anything out or told anyone. So, can you please not say anything to anyone?"

Derek nodded and opened the door to the patient's room. Meredith followed him, a smile plastered on her face.

Alex's mood couldn't be brought down by anything today. He and Meredith – well, he wasn't quite sure what they were, but they were happy. At least he was. Those stolen glances in the locker room, they continued throughout the day. And every time Alex looked her way, she was usually already looking at him. Nothing seemed to be able to ruin his mood. At least until he saw Izzie walk up to Meredith at lunch.

They were sitting a few tables away from each other, trying not to draw any attention to themselves when Izzie walked over and sat down next to Meredith. She instantly tensed up and Izzie almost seemed to perk up at that. He watched them from where he was and tried to read their body language, but got nothing. Izzie leaned across the table and Meredith sat farther back in her chair. She looked a little intimidated, but Alex didn't know what that could mean. Izzie could be threatening her, but he doubted that's what was happening.

When Izzie got up and walked away, Meredith looked like she was going to start crying, but never did. He subtly got up and slid in to the chair next to her and she looked down into her lap. She let out a shaky breath and Alex tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She brought her gaze to him and smiled softly.

He looked off in the direction Izzie walked in and then back at Meredith. "What did she say to you?" he asked, knowing she was probably not going to tell him but figured he would try anyway.

Meredith shook her head and Alex draped his arm around the back of her chair. With this action, she shifted in her chair so she was not only closer to him, but facing him. He leaned forward slightly and Meredith spoke.

"She didn't say anything you need to worry about."

Alex knew she was lying but he didn't push it any farther. Instead he brought his hand up and stroked it up and down her back. She shivered slightly at his touch.

"Come on, let's go outside for a few minutes. You could use some fresh air." He said. She nodded and stood from her chair, grabbing the tray that held her half-eaten lunch.

As the two walked out of the cafeteria, Alex caught sight of Izzie in the far corner talking to a nurse Alex didn't recognize. She looked over the nurse's shoulder at Alex and Meredith, and their eyes locked. She gave him a smile that spoke of nothing but fake kindness. He could see right through it though. Behind that fake Izzie smile, was nothing but cruelty. Cruelty towards Meredith.

Either Izzie couldn't tell Alex knew the truth, or she simply didn't care. Because she just continued talking to the nurse with the same expression.

He turned back to Meredith and she was waiting, a smile on her face. A smile Alex could tell was not real. He wanted to hug her and ask her what was wrong. But he already knew she wasn't going to tell him anything. Hopefully he could get something out of her later.

At the end of their shift, Alex and Meredith were sitting on a bench outside the main entrance. It had been raining earlier so the air was crisp and it smelled fresh. They weren't talking, they were just sitting there together. They watched people come and go. Some were sad, some were happy, and some were just there.

After a few minutes, Alex decided to ask about Izzie again.

"Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Izzie at lunch?" he asked and she tensed beside him. She clearly didn't want to talk about this.

"It was nothing. I promise." She told him in a tone that wasn't very reassuring.

He turned slightly on the bench and faced her. He forced her to look at him by gently grasping her chin and turning her head towards him. She did nothing to resist this action. If anything, she seemed to lean in more because of it.

"You aren't going to tell me are you." he said more than asked. Not thinking very clearly, Meredith blurted out the first thing that came into her head.

"I love you too."

She brought her hand up to her mouth and Alex's eyes widened. She couldn't believe she had just said that. She wasn't planning on saying that, it kind of just came out.

"I'm sorry I didn't- "

"Say that again." Alex said flatly. When Meredith sat there, shocked, he repeated himself.

"Say that again."

Meredith smiled softly and did. "I love you too."

The grin on Alex's face was so huge it looked like it was literally going to reach his ears. Before he could stop himself, he kissed her. She could feel his smile against her lips. Unlike the last time, Meredith noticeably kissed him back. When he pulled away from her, she was smiling too.

"You have no idea how badly I've been wanting to hear that." He told her. She laughed and wrapped her arms around him. She hugged him tightly and he did the same. He kissed the side of her head and shut his eyes.

"I love you, Meredith. I really love you." he whispered and she hugged him tighter.

Neither of them were worried about people seeing them. They didn't care anymore. Pretty much everyone already knew there was something going on, they may as well make it official. Only little did they know the first person to witness their open relationship was watching from afar and they did not like what they were seeing. Because of all the people it could have been, it was Izzie.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 **A/N: Here you go guys, the latest chapter. Not a lot to say about it so start reading! Shout out to** _ **Hollywoodlove09**_ **for letting me know how much you like the story!**

Izzie didn't know what to think. She was angry but didn't know why. She knew there was something going on with Alex and Meredith so she wasn't sure why this was hitting her so hard. Maybe it was because she was finally witnessing it firsthand or if it was because she still loved him. Either way, she knew that she needed to talk to him.

She planned on talking to him the next morning, but couldn't when he walked into the locker room with Meredith by his side. This wasn't anything new but it was the fact that they were holding hands that made her change her mind. It seemed that almost everyone's eyes were glued to their hands. Without meaning to, Izzie accidentally said something she shouldn't have.

"Looks like the rumors are true." She muttered, hopefully not loud enough for anyone to hear. Unfortunately, she said it louder than she thought and all eyes turned to her – including Alex and Meredith.

She was going to apologize but decided against it. Instead, she just quickly getting her things and sped out of the room.

Throughout the day, she tried to convince herself against talking to Alex. As much as she wanted to, she knew that she shouldn't. It was obvious that they were together and that probably wasn't going to change. But despite that, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that told her she should talk to him anyway.

So when they bumped in to each other at the end of the day, she listened to that voice in her head.

"Hey, Alex. Can we talk? Please? I'm sorry about what I said this morning and I really need to talk to you."

Alex looked at her skeptically and then glanced around. She figured he was looking for Meredith.

"I swear I won't say anything about us, I just need to talk to you."

Alex thought about it quickly and decided to hear her out. He figured he owed her that much after hurting her the way he did. thinking things could get out of hand easily, Izzie wanted to do things at the house. Meredith was in a surgery so she wasn't concerned about her walking in on their conversation. Though she didn't expect it, Alex agreed.

So they drove back to Izzie's house in their own cars, preparing for what the other would say.

They were both silent for a while when they got to the house. Alex wasn't going to start this because he had no idea what she wanted to talk about. She said it wasn't about them and he didn't know what else it could be so he waited for her to speak up. She knew he was doing that but didn't know where to start.

She decided to just say what was on her mind rather than try and explain things a different way.

"I know that I don't have a right to say anything about this, especially after what I've done. But you should know that I saw you guys last night, outside the hospital. And I also know that I shouldn't have been watching you, but once I saw you I couldn't peel my eyes away. I told you that I still love you- "

"Izzie…"

"No, don't. I need to say this. I love you still, and seeing you and Meredith only confirmed that you don't love me anymore. But in my mind that doesn't matter, because all I can think about is how we missed our chance. And if there was anything I could do, it would be to turn back time and have forgiven you sooner. Because as much as I want you to be happy, I wish that it was me you were happy with."

Alex stared at her, not sure what he was supposed to say. He wasn't sure if Izzie even wanted him to say anything. But he couldn't think about any of this because suddenly Izzie's lips were on his. It wasn't a kiss that spoke of love or desperation, it was just a kiss.

He didn't do anything. He didn't even pull away. He froze. He knew that the kiss only lasted a few seconds but it felt like longer. Especially when he heard a sudden gasp come from the doorway.

Izzie pulled away from him with lightning speed and both their heads whipped towards the sound. And just because he was the luckiest person on the planet – oh wait, no he wasn't – Meredith was standing there.

He stepped towards her and she had tears in her eyes. "Meredith, I – "

Before he could say anything else, Meredith was gone. Alex turned and grunted. With a raging look in his eyes he swung his hand at the wall. Luckily, he didn't leave a hole or a dent, but he did shake his hand out, obviously in pain.

"Dammit, Izzie!" he shouted, not attempting to hide the anger in his voice.

Izzie's mouth was wide open and she looked like she was in pain. "Alex, I am so sorry. I don't know why I did that I wasn't going to do that it just happened. I swear I- "

"Stop Izzie. Please, just stop."

With that, Alex left Izzie alone in the house with the memory of her mistake haunting her.

 **A/N: Sorry that this was a shorter chapter. I promise to update soon in return. Love you! Xx-S**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 **A/N: So after some consideration of a suggestion made by a reviewer I took down my previous copy of this chapter to make it better and steer it in a different direction. The reviewer knows who they are and I thank them for pointing that out to me. Too many ideas swimming around in my head I guess. Love you for helping me see that.**

 **Shout out to** _ **Abby Bergenham**_ **for following, favouriting, reviewing and sticking with this story even though you don't ship Merlex. It means a lot to me :)**

 **So, here is the new and improved chapter 22.**

The next morning Izzie tried desperately to talk to Alex, but he wouldn't listen to her. The only person he was interested in talking to was Meredith, but she wouldn't listen to him. Now there was just this triangle of people not listening to each other. He only hoped that Meredith would change her mind and hear what he had to say.

All morning he was distracted. He was on She-Shepard's service today and she really didn't like it when he wasn't paying attention so he tried to push Meredith from his mind. At first, he wasn't successful, but when he was introduced to a new patient he regained his focus.

"Dr. Karev this is Melanie Craig, twenty-three. She is thirty weeks pregnant and she's been having cramps for the past three days and we haven't figured out why. It's not contractions or any sort of health problem that we know of. Our job is to figure out what's going on in there and what we can do to stop it."

Alex smiled at Melanie and she waved at him. "We'll be back to check on you later, okay Melanie?"

She nodded her head. "Okay."

Addison walked out of the room but Alex hung back.

"Have you thought of any names yet?"

"Well, it's a boy, and I like the names Nolan and Brady. But I feel like I need to see him before deciding, you know?"

Alex nodded his head. He knew what she meant. "I like Brady. I see him being a tough guy with a sweet side that only comes out with people he really trusts."

Melanie stared at him. It wasn't judgmental or questioning, it was more like awe or something.

"I can see that. Thanks, Dr. Karev."

Alex smiled and left, finally going to catch up with Addison. She would probably be pissed if he didn't find her soon

On his way to find Addison, Alex came across Derek, who looked rough. He seemed distracted and obviously hadn't shaved in a while. He looked at Alex and mumbled an apology before shuffling around him and taking off. Alex turned to watch after him but he had disappeared. He shrugged it off and kept going. He was turning the corner at the nurses' station when someone turned from where they were standing and bumped in to him.

Before he could apologize, Meredith looked up at him and tried to walk around him. He didn't even know it was her until then. Maybe he wasn't paying attention or perhaps he was distracted too. But when she tried to walk away he grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Alex, I have to work." was all she said to him before again trying – and failing – to walk away from him.

"So do I but I can't unless we talk first."

Instead of fighting or ignoring him like he had expected, Meredith tucked the chart she was holding under her arm and looked him in the eyes for the first time all day. "Fine. But make it quick."

Alex took in a breath and tried not to smile. There weren't any on-call rooms in the hall but there was an empty patient room so they stepped in there to talk. Meredith looked at him expectantly and he didn't hesitate to start talking.

"Last night, you got the wrong idea. I was talking to Izzie and she just kissed me. I didn't kiss her back. I didn't push her away. I didn't do anything. I froze and didn't know what to do. Then you walked in and saw it but took it the wrong way and Izzie started freaking out. She said she wasn't going to do that and that it just happened. I didn't feel anything at all when she did that because I don't feel that way about her anymore. I need you to believe me because that's the truth. I know you might think I'm lying but I'm not."

He watched Meredith to see how she was going to react, but she didn't do anything that told him she believed what he said. When she opened her mouth however, that was different.

"I know that it didn't mean anything, but I sort of freaked out. I thought that maybe she was trying to get you back again and that you were going to leave me for her. Deep down I think I knew that it wasn't what it looked like, but I ran anyway because everything Derek did came into my mind. And I know you aren't him, but I panicked. I trust you, Alex. It's me that I need to stop doubting."

Now Alex did nothing to hide his smile. He hugged her and she dropped the chart so she could hug him back. Hearing the sound of his pager, he released her and bent down to pick up the chart for her.

"That will be She-Shepard. I've got to go. I'll see you later, okay?"

Meredith nodded her head. "Okay."

He handed her the chart and wrapped an arm loosely around her, then presses a quick kiss against her forehead. Pulling away from her he smiled again and dashed out the door. His day just got a whole lot better.

Izzie was sitting alone at lunch, scolding herself for her actions the previous night. She didn't know where that came from, and regretted it more than words could say. She wanted to talk to Alex and tell him that she was sorry and that she wasn't going to do that, that it came out of nowhere. She wanted to talk to Meredith and tell her that it wasn't what it looked like and that she shouldn't be mad at Alex because he didn't do anything wrong.

She wanted to talk to George because they had begun drifting apart when she took Alex from Meredith and he thought that was a dirty trick and a nasty thing to do. He had taken Meredith's side in that, even if wouldn't say it. She needed her best friend back. She needed to not be the slutty bitch that she had become.

She was poking at her French fries when someone sat down across from her. She looked up and saw George. He didn't look mad, he just looked like himself.

"Hey," she said, slightly surprised that he had chosen to sit with her.

"Hey" he said smiling, before biting in to his sandwich. She felt awkward at his sudden presence, but was relieved when Cristina sat down between them. She instantly started going off about how Burke wasn't letting her in on any cool surgeries anymore because he didn't want it to look like he was playing favourites. She looked over at George and they both smiled as Cristina continued with her rant, not paying any attention to the people she was sitting with.

About halfway through their lunch break, Izzie saw Alex and Meredith enter the cafeteria together. She bent her head down, ashamed of what she had done and not wanting to be seen by them. She was unsuccessful though as they crossed the room to their table. George gave them a friendly greeting and Cristina grunted a hello while stabbing her mac and cheese rather violently.

Izzie looked up and them and Alex offered a smile. "Can we talk? It will be quick." He said, gesturing to himself, Izzie and Meredith when he said 'we.'

She looked back and forth between them before nodding and standing up. They all went to an empty table nearby and sat down. Meredith and Alex sat beside each other, Izzie across from them. She didn't know what this was about so she waited for them to start talking. Alex was the one who started the conversation.

"Meredith and I talked and cleared everything up, so we just wanted to talk to you and make sure there wasn't anything going on here that needed to be addressed and was being kept to one person. Is there anything – and I mean anything – you want to say or ask?" Alex spoke to her nicely and smiled at the end. Meredith was sitting there with a smile on her face, but didn't say anything.

She cleared her throat, knowing what she wanted to put out in the open. "I need you both to know that when I kissed you," she began, gesturing to Alex, "That I wasn't planning on doing that. It just happened and if I could take it back I would. I know it may seem like I'm just saying this to get on your good sides, but I mean it. I'm sorry about what I did. I know I shouldn't have done it and want to take it back. I ruined things for you guys – again. I just can't believe I did that, especially when you two- "

"Izzie. Don't worry about ruining things for us." Alex told her. At first, she was confused, but then her eyes travelled to their interlocked hands that rested on the table. It was at that moment that she realized she hadn't completely messed up. They were still together, they had worked this out. She didn't destroy anything for them the way she though she had.

She smiled and let out a relieved laugh. Meredith smiled and reached out her arm, placing her free hand over Izzie's.

"I'm not holding a grudge about this, Izzie. I believe you when you say that you weren't trying to get Alex back when you kissed him, because I believe you when you say that you don't know why you did it."

Izzie couldn't hold back the smile that she felt forming on her lips. Maybe this was the start of her leaving behind the bitching, monster Izzie and becoming that happy, laughing Izzie again. She could become herself again and move on from all this drama.

"Thank you, both of you. Thank you for understanding and not holding this against me."

Meredith and Alex smiled and Izzie's eyes travelled to their hands. She felt a twinge in her heart where she still had feelings for Alex. This would hurt for a bit, but she would get over it. Because it didn't matter anymore. None of it did. All that mattered was that she could leave all her anger behind and work towards rebuilding the friendships she had.

Cristina and George were sitting alone at their table, watching the interaction between Izzie, Alex and Meredith. When there was a huge smile on Izzie's face Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Twenty says that they're pretending nothing happened and are moving on." she heard Gorge say beside her. She laughed and put down her fork.

"Fifty says that I'll be ready to kill all of them by the end of the week."

 **A/N: So, as you can tell I'm winding this story down. I will only be posting a few more chapters, but I don't know how many that will be. Sorry to those who read my first version of this chapter, but I know that this is the better one. To those who didn't, I'm sorry it took so long for an update. I'll be back soon with another chapter. Take care, guys. Xx-S**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

 **A/N: Hey people! Welcome to the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed, and favourited. Love you guys. Here you go!**

Meredith, Alex, George, Izzie and Cristina were sitting in their little hideout in the basement, waiting for something to do. Today was the slowest they had ever experienced at Seattle Grace. They were lounging around in different positions, desperately waiting to be paged. It was as though nobody was sick or hurt. There weren't even that many patients already in the hospital. The entire place was a ghost town except for the staff.

"Why is no one dying?!" Cristina whined from where she was on the floor. She was lying on her back on the floor with her legs up in the air, feet on the bed. Izzie was lying down on the bed with her legs over Cristina's feet and said "Stop wishing for people to be hurt, Cristina. That's terrible."

"Don't say you're happy here instead of in a surgery or the pit or with a patient that is actually sick." Moaned George from another bed. He was sitting upright with Alex sitting next to him. Meredith was lying on the same bed with her legs up over both of theirs.

"Stop wishing for people to die!" Meredith said. "Just wish for them to be injured but not too severely." Meredith told them. George and Alex looked down at her and laughed. She smiled. "What? It's better than wishing people would die."

They all laughed, and Cristina stood up. "We should probably go do something before we- "

She was cut off by the sound of all their pagers going off. Looking down at her pager, Cristina spoke again. "ER! People are dying! Let's go!" she exclaimed, running off. Izzie got up and followed her, and George slid out from under Meredith's feet and did the same thing. Alex stood and helped her up, then they took off after their friends.

When they arrived in the ER, it was full of people of all ages with all kinds of injuries. None of them knew where to go so Cristina yelled to Dr. Bailey. "Where do you want us?!" Dr. Bailey looked at them and gestured to the entire room with her hands. "Anywhere. Find a patient that hasn't already been helped and help them. Keep your heads on straight this is a big one."

As soon as she finished speaking she took off. They all looked after her and then looked around the ER just as someone was coming in from the ambulance bay, screaming at the top of their lungs. "DIBS!" shouted Cristina as she ran over to the gurney.

The rest of them looked around and then fled in all directions. George went to a trauma room, Izzie headed to the ambulance bay as another patient came in, and Meredith and Alex found a patient to tend to.

Meredith approached a bed that held a middle-aged man with a significant amount of blood coming from the top of his head. He wasn't communicative so she checked to see if she could get a response from his pupils. She was successful and checked to see if had any other injuries, but it appeared he only had the head lac. A nurse walked over to her and she told them to page neuro, then Meredith turned to the patient in the beside her.

A girl who looked like she was in her twenties was sitting there grabbing her abdomen. Meredith stepped a little closer and pulled out her light again to check for pupillary response. "My stomach. It really hurts."

Meredith looked down at the girl's hands and didn't see any blood, so it was most likely an internal injury. "What's your name?" she asked to distract her.

"Alison. My mom… where's my mom? She came in with me I need to find her."

"We'll find her in a minute, okay Alison? You're holding your side does it hurt?"

Alison nodded and bit her lip. "Okay, well how about I check that out and we can fix you up and send you on your way." Alison nodded again and Meredith smiled.

"I need you to move your hands for me now okay?"

Alison did so slowly and she cringed a couple of times. When Meredith could put her hands on Alison's abdomen she cried out. Meredith removed her hands and she leaned closer to Alison.

"Alison, I know it hurts but I need you to hold still so I can put some pressure on it and find out what's going on. I'm sorry but it's probably going to hurt but it's the only way."

Alison nodded and grabbed on to her pillow, ready to squeeze it because she knew this was going to hurt. Meredith examined her abdomen and then felt to see if it was tender. It definitely was and Alison cried out in pain again, though she stayed still. Meredith pulled her hands away and looked back at the man behind her to make sure he was okay.

Seeing Richard across the room she shouted over to him. "Dr. Webber can I get a consult over here?" she shouted. Without saying anything he came over. "What's going on? Gotta be fast with this many people."

Meredith pointed at Alison, who had moved her hands back to her stomach. "This is Alison. She has a tender abdomen and some severe pain. Her pupils are responsive and she doesn't appear to have any other injuries that I can find."

He nodded. "Okay. I'll handle this one Grey, you go to another patient."

Meredith turned back to the man with the head lac as Derek was approaching. He looked stressed out and a little distracted but was ready to go when he got there. "What's up?" he asked, slightly out of breath. He must have rushed from somewhere else to get there.

"Bad head lac, responsive pupils but uncommunicative." Derek nodded and did a quick examination.

"He needs a head CT and an MRI. Probably a brain bleed. Page me when you have the results of both." He instructed in a grumbly voice before walking away, probably for another consult or to get back to where he was before coming to her.

As she looked after him, he seemed different. His hair was longer and he was walking with a slouch. Like he was sad or something bad had happened. She shrugged it off and pulled up the rails on the side of the bed, and started to head to CT.

When she had the results Meredith paged Derek. She was worried because she thought she may have read the scans wrong, but she was also afraid that she had read them correctly. He waltzed into the room, in less of a rush than he was earlier. Meredith shifted over so he could get a better look at the screens. His hair fell into his face and Meredith noted that he hadn't cut it or shaved in a while. She brought her attention back to the screen when he mumbled.

"We need to get him up to the OR right now. He has a major epidural hematoma that needs taken care of."

"Last I heard the OR was backed up for at least half an hour." Meredith said.

He looked over at her and sighed. "He doesn't have that long. If we don't get in there right away he's going to die and I can't let that happen. Not today." He was looking right into her eyes and she saw that they looked rather dull. She nodded at his words and he stood up straight.

"I'm going to go and get an OR, meet me up there and be ready to scrub in. You're doing this with me." He told her before leaving the room at a light jog. Meredith got up and pushed her hair out of her face, then did as she was told.

Meredith spent the surgery glancing over at Derek. There was something wrong with him, she just didn't know what. There was something different about him and she was worried. Even after everything he did, she loved him at one point. She couldn't help but worry.

When they had been in surgery for forty-five minutes, the patient started coding. "Dammit, dammit!" Derek grunted. He started moving faster, but kept his movements careful and precise. "He's hemorrhaging!" Meredith exclaimed.

Derek put down his instruments and picked up some new ones, and yelled over the monitors. "Come on people, we need to keep this man alive!"

Meredith stepped out of the way so that Derek had more room and so the more experienced scrub nurses could assist. From where she was standing, Meredith noticed that he was moving differently. Normally when something like this happened he was swift but stern and ready. Now he looked concerned and defeated. Like he was trying to fix something he knew couldn't be fixed.

Meredith's attention wandered around the room and snapped back to Derek when she heard him let out a loud grunt. "Dammit. Time of death, fourteen thirty-six."

Meredith shook her head and sighed. Derek looked over at her and she saw that same defeated look in his eyes. He backed away from the patient and stepped towards Meredith. "Do you know anything about his family?"

Meredith shook her head and Derek sighed. "Okay. We'll have to put out a notice when all this is over and try to find them." He told her.

They both walked out of the OR and began to scrub out when a question popped into Meredith's head. "What even happened? One second I stepped into the ER and the next I was here."

"There was a train crash. It wasn't anything huge, but it was enough to cause some significant damage. A train was pulling in to the station when it's breaks stopped working."

"Oh my god…" Meredith whispered. She couldn't believe that such a seemingly minor crash could cause such destruction.

Derek grunted again – he seemed to be doing a lot of that today. "What?"

He shook his head and moved to dry off his hands. "Nothing. It's nothing…"

When he turned back to her she was standing with the water running over her hands, but not doing anything. She was staring at him and Derek furrowed his brow. Meredith opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, then turned the water off and dried her hands.

"If you want to say something just say it." Derek told her in a tone she had never heard from him before. Meredith looked around to make sure nobody was going to come and interrupt. When she figured the coast was clear, she started talking.

"There's something wrong with you. I know there is. You're grumpy, you're being meaner than you usually are, you haven't cut your hair or shaved in a while and you just seem different. You can talk to me if something is wrong. And I know something is wrong now so I want you to talk to me."

She looked at him and his face fell. She could see the ghost of the brightness in his eyes and knew that there really was something going on with him. She wanted him to tell her, but also figured he probably wouldn't, which is why she was surprised when he sighed and stepped towards her.

She looked up at him expectantly and he started talking. "It's Addison. And my mom. And my sisters. Especially my sisters. It's Mark, it's the people in this hospital. It's you…" he said, trailing off. His gaze fell to the floor and Meredith felt her stomach drop.

"Derek. What is it?" He looked back up at her and took in a breath. "It's nothing you need to worry about. I promise."

Before she could say anything else to him, he walked around her and out of the scrub room.

At the end of the day, everyone was on a surgery high. George got to scrub in on a cardio surgery, Izzie and Cristina both had major trauma patients and Alex assisted on an emergency surgery IN the ER. Only Meredith seemed to not be on a rush right now. After Derek left she tried to find out if the patient had any family in the hospital from the accident, but he didn't. Then she went back to find Alison's mother, who was okay but really worried.

Only Alex seemed to notice that she wasn't joining in on their raves about the amazing surgeries and cases. He walked over to where she as standing at her locker and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?" he asked, even though it looked like he already knew the answer. Meredith nodded her head anyway, not wanting to take away from his rush from the day. He looked at her, concerned, but didn't push it any farther.

"I need to drink and celebrate this day." Cristina exclaimed, to which Izzie agreed and George laughed. The three of them looked over at Alex who said, "Why the hell not?" This meant Meredith had to go too because everyone else was going.

She followed them to the bar, Alex beside her. They were a distance behind the others, but not by too much. "Mer, what's wrong?" he asked again. She didn't look over to him, but kept her gaze forward at the back of Cristina's head and all her curly hair. "There's something wrong with Derek. He said something about Addison, his mom, his sisters, me, and everyone else at the hospital." She explained.

Alex turned his head to look at her. "I knew there was something going on with Shepard. I bumped into him the other day and he was looking really rough."

Meredith nodded, but it didn't really mean anything. Alex took hold of her hand and squeezed it. "Don't worry, Meredith. He'll be okay."

Meredith nodded. "I know." She said as they walked into the bar. Cristina already had a drink and Izzie and George were in the process of ordering one. The two of them sat down at a table rather than at the bar, neither planning on drinking anything. Meredith set her jacket on the back of the chair and brought her chair closer to Alex's. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her.

"It will all be okay, Mer." He said to her, then kissed the top of her head. Just then the others came over to the table and Cristina pretending to gag. "I'm happy for you guys, I really am, but I'm also ready to throw up at the sight of all this" she said waving her hands in their direction.

They all laughed and Alex stroked his hand up and down Meredith's arm. No matter what was going on, she believed him when he said everything would be okay.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading everyone. I'll post the next chapter soon. I'm thinking 1-3 more chapters will be added and then this story will be finished. I want to know what you guys are thinking so drop a review to let me know. Love you all. Xx -S**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

 **A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry updates aren't coming very often. School is busy so I will update as often as I can until the story ends. As for right now, enjoy the latest chapter.**

Meredith and Alex were no longer in the spotlight of attention. No one was talking about them anymore because they didn't care what anyone had to say. So, everybody moved on to the next bit of gossip. And that just so happened to be what was going on with Derek Shepard. People were noticing that he had been changing. He had become irritable and rude on top of everything else. And either he didn't notice that he was being talked about, or he just didn't care.

The interns were all getting ready for their upcoming exam, even though it wasn't for almost two months. The only one who seemed completely prepared was Cristina, but that was nothing new. Alex was a little nervous because he didn't pass the boards and George thought he was going to fail because he felt like he was behind everyone else skill and knowledge wise. Meredith and Izzie were just focussed on getting through it.

They were going through flash cards for Cristina at lunch when Meredith glanced across the room at Derek. He was standing by the doors with Addison and he looked annoyed – not that that was anything new. As Addison was making hand gestures Derek ran a hand through his hair, and Meredith thought she saw him shake his head. Then Addison suddenly took off and Derek ran a hand down his face. He paced back and forth a few times, then looked in Meredith's direction. She offered a light smile, but he just walked away.

She kept her gaze on the door for a few moments longer, but tore it away when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned her head and saw that the hand belonged to Alex. She smiled at him and he said "He'll be fine, Mer. Don't worry about it. He'll be fine." Meredith nodded and then leaned against him. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head. Then she went back to watching Cristina ace all her practice questions.

All day Meredith and Alex swapped looks and brushes as they passed each other in the hallway. They would smile at each other, brush hands as they passed, grab and squeeze the other's shoulder… They kept each other going throughout the day. Who kept Dr. Shepard going, they didn't know.

Alex needed to call home tonight so he went straight home after their shift was over. Izzie and George took off right away, so it was Meredith and Cristina left at the end of the day. And for the first time in a while, they really talked. Not that it was anyone's fault, they just hadn't done much of anything together recently.

They were walking down to the front lobby when they started to have a real conversation. "So, you and Alex, huh? I've gotta be honest, I didn't really see that coming." Cristina said to her. Meredith chuckled.

"Yeah, uh, I know. It sort of just, happened. You know?" she responded. She knew that it was probably weird, but she didn't know how to explain it.

Cristina nodded. "Yeah, I guess. But, is really as good a guy as you think he is?" Meredith turned her head to look at Cristina, and her friend frowned. "I didn't mean that in a bad way." She added.

"I know. And I don't think he's a good guy, Cristina. I know he is. He's just made some bad decisions, that's all."

As they reached the front doors and were forced to go their separate ways, Cristina opened her mouth to say something, but didn't when she noticed Meredith wasn't paying attention to her, but something over her shoulder. Cristina turned her head to look behind her and saw Dr. Shepard standing maybe thirty feet away from them, yelling into his phone.

Meredith stepped up beside her and they watched him. They weren't the only ones who had taken notice to his yelling, but they were the only ones being obvious and not just glancing at him. They couldn't hear what he was saying, but they knew he was yelling. Only now thinking of it, Meredith wondered if Cristina might know what's going on. "Hey, have you noticed anything going on with him lately? I mean, has he been acting different?"

Cristina turned her head again and had a concerned yet somewhat annoyed look on her face. "I thought you were with Alex. Why do you care?"

"It's not just me. Alex agrees that he seems different. Neither of us know what is different, we just know that he looks and seems… off."

Cristina looked back to Derek and looked at him more closely than before. She hesitated a moment, then spoke. "I haven't noticed anything different about him, but now that you've mentioned it, I guess he does seem a little different. His hair is definitely longer and he's slouching – which he never does – so yeah, maybe."

Meredith sighed. "The next time I'm on his service can you switch with me and see if you can figure anything out? I just want to know that he's okay."

"Yeah, sure. Maybe I can get something out of him. Plus I'm smarter than you – no offence – so it will be easier for me."

"Thanks. I've gotta go so I'll see you tomorrow."

They went their separate ways and even though Meredith was worried, she couldn't help but think about what Alex said to her the other day. He told her everything would be okay, and she believed him.

The next morning Alex and Meredith were walking in to the building together when they saw Derek and Addison arguing in the waiting area, trying not to be too loud. They slowed down a little, both curious but not nosey. When they got a little louder, the two of them sped up.

When they walked in to the locker room, Cristina came up to Meredith and grabbed her arm. She looked at Alex and said "I need to steal her. You can have her back later." Then she tugged Meredith away from Alex and brought her to an empty corner of the locker room.

"So, I haven't talked to McDreamy but I do know some things."

"Don't call him that anymore." Meredith told her.

"Sorry. Habit. Anyway, I didn't talk to him but I did figure some stuff out. I overheard him talking to She-Shepard and they were talking about his mother. She-Shepard was saying that she wouldn't sign the divorce papers because she didn't want to disappoint her as a daughter-in-law. Then she started saying something about this Mark guy- "

"Mark?"

"Yeah, but that's not all. He-Shepard said that his mother was already disappointed in him for up and leaving her in New York, so they may as well get this over with before his mom forgave and forgot."

"Something tells me this isn't just some stuff you overheard." Meredith pointed out.

Cristina waved her hand as a way of shrugging it off. "Overhear, eavesdrop, same thing. And there's more. One of his sisters – I don't know which one, apparently he has like a dozen of them – called him last week and told him she would come here if he didn't get his crap together and she would do it for him."

Meredith waited for more, but didn't get anything. "I knew there was something going on. Let me know if you 'overhear' anything else." she told her, putting air quotes around overhear. Cristina nodded and left her in the corner, and Meredith went to her locker. Dr. Bailey would be coming around with assignments any time now.

As she was pulling her scrub top on over her thinner long sleeve, Alex came over to her. "What was that about?"

She pulled her hair into a ponytail, grabbed her pager, and shut her locker before answering. She didn't need anyone hearing what she was going to tell him, so whispered "News about Derek. Tell you later" in his ear.

He nodded and backed up slightly as Dr. Bailey walked in. She read off the list of what intern was with which attending so Alex moved over so Meredith could see her better.

"Stevens, you're with She-Shepard. Karev, Burke. Grey and O'Malley, you're in the pit, Yang, you're with He-Shepard…"

As Dr. Bailey continued listing off names, Meredith looked over at Cristina who shrugged and gave her a thumb's up. Maybe after today Derek could be in her past, and nothing more than the neuro attending. She walked out of the room with Alex by her side, and he rubbed her shoulder.

"I'll see you at lunch and you can tell me everything." Alex said. She nodded and he spoke again.

"Don't worry about it. We'll figure this out, especially with Cristina helping us." He said, followed by a wink. She rolled her eyes and he laughed, then kissed her cheek before heading off to wherever Burke was.

She turned around and George was waiting for her. He smiled at her and she smiled back, then they walked down to the pit together, ready for whatever was waiting for them there.

Their lunch break was forty-five minutes, and Cristina missed the first fifteen of it. Izzie was pulled in to an emergency surgery, so she would have a break later, and that made it just Alex, George and Meredith. When Cristina finally showed up, she looked like her head was going to explode. She didn't even sit down, just pulled Meredith up out of her seat and over to a table that was more secluded from the rest of the cafeteria. She started talking immediately.

"They had another argument this morning in the lobby. Normally they keep things quiet, but this time it apparently, it got pretty heated. They didn't yell at each other, but let's just say that everyone around them probably heard what they were saying. And I mean everyone."

"Are you going anywhere with this?" Meredith asked impatiently.

"I'm getting there." She said. Meredith sighed and Cristina continued.

"So, Derek's sister, the one that threatened to come kick his butt, She-Shepard called her, and she isn't coming anymore. Addison talked her out of it, said that she was the one that filed for divorce and that Derek didn't do anything wrong. She said it was all her fault."

"Wait, Addison took the blame for all of this?"

Cristina nodded. "Yes. And by the sounds of things Derek isn't too pleased about it. He thinks Addison should have minded her own business, but she insisted it was her business too because they're still technically married."

Meredith looked at Cristina in awe. "So, they are getting a divorce, and Addison is telling his family that it is all because of her. Seriously?" Meredith asked, to which Cristina nodded.

"Holy crap…" Meredith muttered.

"I know." Cristina replied. "I am in desperate need of food so I'll catch up with you in a few minutes."

Cristina took off and almost immediately Alex took her place.

"What's the news with Shepard?" he asked. Meredith took a breath and explained everything, but not before looking around to make sure there was no one around to hear what they were talking about.

She felt as though she'd told him everything in one breath, but when she finished explaining, five minutes had gone by.

"So, they're getting a divorce after all, but Addison is taking the fall for it?" Alex asked with a shocked expression on his face.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Does that mean that Shepard will go back to normal?" Alex asked her in a tone that she couldn't identify.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Hopefully. I guess we'll find out in the next couple of days."

As the two of them ventured back to their table, they saw that Cristina had pulled up a chair and joined them. And as Meredith sat down, she glanced over at Derek, who had just walked into the room. Hope bubbled inside her. Not the kind of hope that used to come from looking at him, but the hope that Alex was right when he told her everything would be okay.

 **A/N: I know it seems like I'm trying to drag this story out, but I can't end it without tying everything up – and that includes Derek's situation. But I do want you to be prepared that the next chapter will probably be the last one. Thanks to all of you that have kept on with this story, and I hope that it has been worth it for you to get to the end. Xx -S**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

 **A/N: I am so sorry this update has taken so long! I have been so busy lately and I hope this update makes up for it.**

No one had seen either of the Shepard's since they went home last night. They knew that He-Shepard was here because he had a surgery scheduled on the board that was starting in half an hour that wasn't there yesterday, but nobody had anything on She-Shepard. Meredith was worried about both of them, even though it wasn't her responsibility to worry about them. She knew it was probably because she had been involved in this mess at one point, and maybe even felt a little bit guilty for what was going on. Had she and Derek never been together, they could have simply worked things out when Addison got here, but Meredith had just added insult to injury in this whole thing.

Her attention was brought back to the world when someone snapped in her face, that someone being Cristina.

"Mer. You in there?"

Meredith brought her gaze to Cristina and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Okay, I'm going to assume you didn't hear anything Bailey just said and tell you that you're on neuro today. Do you want to switch with me? I'm on something with the chief and Bailey."

Meredith shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'll be good where I am."

Cristina nodded but it didn't look very certain or assuring. "Okay. I'll see you later then." She said before taking off to follow Dr. Bailey. Meredith watched her go and then took a breath. It was time for her to go and see Derek for the first time since getting Cristina to be her spy. She only hoped that Cristina had been subtle and Derek had never seen her. Because if he had, he would know that she was there because of Meredith.

She walked up to where Derek was supposed to be, but he wasn't there. She waited there for a few minutes before he showed up, and he looked better. A lot better. He had finally cut his hair and he had shaved too. She noticed that he was walking with the same sort of swagger he had before. She smiled as he approached and he looked down at her, then smiled too.

"What?" he asked her through his own smile.

She shook her head. "Nothing. It's… nothing."

Derek chuckled and passed Meredith a chart. "Lynne Meyers is our patient. She's here for chronic back pain that turned out to be a tumor. Today we are going to remove it and try not to paralyze her in the process. Chances are that if we leave some of it behind the pain will actually get worse, so we need to get the whole thing." he explained to her. She quickly scanned the chart then looked up at him.

"She's twenty-six years old."

Derek nodded somberly. "I know. That's why we can't paralyze her."

Meredith looked at her feet, then handed the chart back to Derek. "So let's go not paralyze a girl."

Derek smiled and nodded again and started leading Meredith to the patient. As they entered they were greeted by a girl who looked to be the same age as Lynne was supposed to be. She held out her hand to Meredith and said "Nice to meet you. I'm Stacy, Lynne's best friend." Meredith shook her hand and introduced herself. "Dr. Grey."

Stacy backed up and they entered the room, where there was a petite girl lying on her stomach with her head turned towards the door, and cold cloth on the small of her back. She saw them and she smiled.

"Dr. Shepard, nice to see you again. This the assistant?" she asked when she locked eyes with Meredith. Derek confirmed and Stacy helped her turn back over. When she was upright, she winced and bit her lip. Then Stacy nodded and Derek started talking.

"So Lynne, today's the day we take that nasty thing out of your back. Do you have any questions before we take you up to the OR?"

Lynne was silent for a moment then looked over at Meredith, then back to Derek. "What is Dr. Grey going to be doing?"

Derek looked over at Meredith and then at Lynne. "She will be assisting me on the removal of your tumor and ensuring that you… that we don't- "

"Paralyze me." Lynne finished. Derek nodded and Stacy looked sad. Lynne grabbed her hand and Stacy blinked away some tears.

"Hey, none of that. I'm gonna be fine, Stacy. We'll be running track together again before you know it. Okay?"

Stacy nodded and she gave Lynne a hug. When she stood back up Lynne was smiling, but it looked forced. She looked back over to Derek and Meredith and tilted her head back. "Let's do this."

During the surgery Derek was stone cold. He didn't say anything to anyone except Meredith and even when he spoke to her it was only about the case. He seemed nervous but that didn't make any sense to her. He was never nervous about a surgery. Then again, it might not be the surgery that was making him nervous.

Derek was preparing to dissect the tumor, now that he had opened Lynne up and properly exposed it. As he looked at the tumor, he blinked. Meredith looked over at him and he looked at her. She glanced back down at the tumor and up at him again. He hesitated.

"What?" Meredith asked. She began to grow concerned. He had never looked at a tumor or a brain bleed like this before, and it scared Meredith.

Derek looked up at her again. "I don't know if I can get all of the tumor without paralyzing her. It's bigger than it appeared on the scans. It's more invasive than I thought it was."

Meredith took a step closer and peered at the tumor. He was right, it looked bigger than they had expected it to be.

"Well we can't just close her up. We have to at least try and take it out."

Derek gently poked around the tumor and sighed. Meredith recognized that sigh. He wasn't going to give up, but he didn't think he was going to do any good.

"Alright people, let's make sure this girl gets to walk again."

At the end of the surgery Derek was still unsure if Lynne was going to be able to walk. They had gotten the whole tumor, but he was afraid that she would suffer from the risks of the surgery.

They were walking through the hallway to talk to Stacy when Meredith glanced at Derek, and he suddenly looked confident.

"You seem better." She said. He looked over at her and then brought his gaze back in front of them. He didn't say anything.

"I just mean that you've been distracted lately, and you seem to be back to your old self again." she pointed out.

Derek laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I have been a little… different the last little while." He confessed.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. But you seem better. I'm glad."

Now Derek nodded. "Thank you, Meredith. And I'm sorry. For everything."

They turned the corner and Meredith didn't get the chance to answer, for Stacy came up to them. And as Derek told her about the surgery and what to expect over the next few days, Meredith smiled to herself. It wasn't until now that she truly believed that Derek could personally be in her past. Because he was okay now, and she had no reason to worry about him.

Alex was waiting for Meredith in the locker room at the end of the day. As she approached him, he smiled at her. She smiled back and opened her locker. As she did so, Alex came up beside her.

She slipped off her scrub top to reveal a pale pink long sleeve shirt and tossed her scrub top in her locker, then pulled out the jeans she had arrived in this morning. Alex moved and leaned against the lockers across from hers. She quickly changed into her jeans and then shut her locker.

As they walked out of the hospital Alex grabbed her hand. "So how was your day?" he asked. She smiled and told him about Derek.

"Derek is better. He said so himself. And I think he was telling the truth."

Alex squeezed her hand. "See. I told you everything would work out." He said.

She leaned into him and Alex moved his arm around her shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and they walked to their cars. They both smiled and Meredith was ready to move on to her life without Derek Shepard, a.k.a McDreamy, and with Dr. Shepard, neuro attending.

 *****A/N: Okay guys, I want to prepare you for the fact that I am planning on making the next chapter the final one. This story has reached its end and as sad as I am about it, I think that it has had a pretty good lifespan. Unfortunately, it isn't part of a community so you won't be able to find it anywhere else. I want to thank all of you for sticking with me and coming this far. I will try and update as soon as I can. Xx-S**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26.

 **A/N: This chapter is the one that will wrap everything up. I'd like to thank every single one of you that has made it to the end of this story. You are all amazing and I love you so much. This story may have been one of my first, but it will always be the most memorable, because of you guys. Thank you so much, and enjoy the final chapter.**

It had been a week since Derek told Meredith that he was okay, and not to worry about him, and Meredith felt lighter. She felt as though a weight had been lifted off her. She was sitting at a table at Joe's with Cristina, Alex, George and Izzie when she saw Derek walk in. He looked around, caught her eye, and smiled. She smiled back then brought her attention back to her friends.

Cristina and Izzie were talking nonsense and George was laughing hysterically at them. She honestly didn't understand what was so funny, and Alex didn't appear to either. They looked at each other and laughed. The two of them were closer than ever, but didn't fall away from their friends.

Tomorrow they had a thirty-six-hour shift, but it didn't start until six in the evening, so they weren't overly concerned about drinking tonight. Cristina and Alex were coming back to Meredith's house tonight so they could all hang out and study and stuff. They planned on ordering food when they got back. Things were going back to how they were before, plus Alex. He was never really part of the group, but he was now.

When Meredith decided that Cristina, Izzie and George had all had a little too much to drink, she pulled her keys out of her bag. She hadn't had anything to drink, as she just wasn't in the mood. Alex had had a beer, but that was it. The others, well, that was another story.

As Alex gathered them up and escorted them to Meredith's car, Meredith paid for their drinks. She turned to head for the door, but stopped in her tracks when Derek wandered up to the bar. He looked at her and smiled almost shyly. She smiled back and he stepped around her. Before she started moving again, he placed a hand on her shoulder.

She turned around and Derek smiled again, but it was a different smile. A real one. "Thank you, Meredith. For everything. And stay happy. Don't let him treat you badly."

Meredith nodded and Derek left. She looked after him, only for a moment, before heading to catch up with her friends.

By midnight, Meredith and Alex were the only two awake. Even though they had planned on doing something, that didn't really happen. Cristina had passed out soon after they got back, and she was currently asleep on the floor. George and Izzie had both lasted longer, and fell asleep shortly within each other. George was on the couch with one arm dangling off the edge and Izzie had gone upstairs to her room. Meredith and Alex were sitting in the kitchen, sipping on coffee. It had been at least an hour since all the others had gone to sleep, and they were only just starting to get tired. Alex stood up to stretch and they heard footsteps wandering in from the living room. When they turned to face those footsteps, they saw Cristina.

She yawned and glanced around the room. "I need a bed." was all she said. Meredith laughed and pointed towards the staircase. "You can sleep in my room." Cristina did nothing but turn around and head towards the stairs in reply.

Meredith turned back to Alex and he snickered. She laughed again and Alex finished up his coffee. He took Meredith's already empty coffee cup and placed both on the counter.

"Is she always like that when she gets drunk?" Alex asked. Meredith shook her head. "She has all different kinds of drunken attitudes. This is by far the best. Normally she either ends up crazy or overly happy. And I mean Izzie happy multiplied by like five."

"Woah."

"Yeah." She responded and turned back towards the hallway. Alex wandered over to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Meredith put her hands on his arms and he kissed her cheek. Neither of them said anything, they just stood like that for a few minutes. Suddenly they heard a clunk in the living room and rushed to see what it was.

George had rolled off the couch and on to the floor, and was amazingly still asleep. They both stifled a laugh and backed into the doorway. Alex looked at the door and grabbed Meredith's arm. She looked over at him and he nodded towards the door, she understood and he reached for the doorknob.

They stepped outside and walked over to the swing that was on the porch, and sat down. They looked up at the sky and Meredith sighed. Alex looked over to her and her eyes were shining like the very stars they were looking up at. In that moment, he remembered one of the first times he saw her. He had called her a nurse and she took off, then George showed up. He had called her hot and George clearly had a thing for her. Only now, he didn't think she was hot, and he didn't feel flustered like George had that day. He watched her looking at the sky, and thought of how beautiful she was. How lucky he was to have her. And as though she could tell that he was watching her, thinking about her, she turned to look at him.

She didn't say anything, and neither did he. Instead, she scooted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around her and the other hand came over to hold hers. He kissed the top of her head and looked back out at the quiet street, quiet sky, quiet neighbourhood that surrounded them.

Meredith thought of everything she had gone through since she started her internship. Everything with Derek, with her mom, with her friends, with Alex... She thought about the amazing people that were sleeping in the house behind her and everything they had been through together. So much had happened in the little time they had been here, and they had come to depend on each other. They were like family.

Most of all, she thought about how close she had become to Alex. She never thought that the two of them would be where they are now, be what they are now. But she knew that she was happy that this is where she was. Of all the places she could be, of all the things that could have happened, she was glad she was here, with Alex.

He seemed to know what she was thinking, for what he said reflected on it.

"I love you, Meredith."

Meredith smiled and leaned further in to him, if that was even possible. "I love you too, Alex."

Alex nudged her shoulder with his hand and she brought her head up to look at him. "What?" she asked. Rather than answering her, Alex leaned his head down and brought his lips to hers. She sat up slightly and kissed him back. When Alex pulled away Meredith smiled widely. He smiled back and she let her head fall back on his shoulder.

They both looked up at the sky again and leaned into each other. Meredith smiled to herself and Alex felt it against his shoulder, making him smile too. And in that moment, they both thought that there was nowhere else they would rather be.

 **A/N: So, this is the end of our story. I'd like to thank everyone for reading and hope that this story was worth reading. You have made my first fic one worth remembering. As always, I love you all. Xx-S**

 ***I would like to dedicate this story to the reader/reviewer who goes by** _ **Kay.**_ **You have made me a better writer and I want to thank you for following this story. I love you especially, and want to give you a personal thank you and shout out***

 **This is cookiemonster311 signing off.**


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